I let life pour through me like waves on a beach, slapping the sand with each push, but with every slap, a different print. I never much did the "thinking" before doing, much less the "thinking" before speaking, and yes, at times, probably more than not, did I suffer from opening my heart the way I did. But did it ever scare me off from doing it all over again? Nope.
I'm very good in protecting the ones I love but am I good in protecting myself? Nope. But do I believe I need protection? Nope. You could say I carry that beating muscle on the end of my sleeve. Once I give, I give my all. There is no other way I could do things in life. I must give everything I do and love 136% attention, if I do it half way, I feel lopsided, unbalanced, and I have a knot in my stomach that makes me feel uncomfortable.
I don't go looking for things, things come to me and I either say yes or no to them. This is only possible if you live life with an open heart. The older I get, the more I learn about myself, the better and clearer choices become. Maybe that's the exciting part of ageing - knowing things before they happen, so when it comes to decision time, your choice is solid and for the right reasons.
Why am I writing this? I think it's important to understand that life is not about "thinking" it's about living. And to live with your heart open is not cowardly but courageous, because this is the only way to truly live it. Only through an open heart will you feel the true passion of life. Don't think about all the things you want to do, go do them. There is no such thing as fear with an open heart, because you accept all and everything for the way it is, and therefore you can truly enjoy every moment of it.
True, I am saying this, because for a short time in my life I felt suffocated. I felt caged to the point where I had to tip-toe around myself, not quite being me in fear of certain things, which inevitably changed my outlook on life. I became more fearsome, I doubted people and everything around me, and I ended up analyzing more than I believed to be healthy. Pure and simple, I almost became one of those "thinkers" and not "doers". And that slowly killed my natural spirit of being a free bird.
I am still trying to heal from it, I am still reminding myself that life is to be lived and that the answers, the true ones, will come to me if I feel any sort of doubt. The worst part is the judgment. I haven't felt that in years, but through this little interlude of losing my true spirit, I suddenly felt that judgment was everywhere and I felt poisoned. Again, for me to get over this now, I have to remind myself the love I feel for myself and that life is breathing and enjoying that breath, not suffocating and trying to fit in with someone's way of thinking.
One must break away from those chains, the ones that strap you down. In the end it's only you who's holding yourself back, stopping you from truly loving yourself or anyone. Unless you want to be a philosopher, you're wasting your time trying to decipher life, just live it.
If this is it, this is the only life you get, then by God, live it, be open, allow love and life and joy and all good things come into your heart and speak true. We are our own Gods. When we pray at night, it's you praying to yourself and only you who makes good things happen. I think if we began to believe that we are our own masters, our own true Gods, then we would think about things a little differently, in fact we would probably treat our life like a God would treat their lives - fruitful, passionate, never giving up, heart full and open and accepting all walks of life.
Remember there is no such thing as right or wrong, there is only the now.
I don't believe in tomorrow, I believe in now, because tomorrow is just too far away from living the right now.
Remember also, acceptance is also love, to accept someone fully for who they are, not have any interest in changing them, is true love, it's peace and quiet and you can then fully appreciate one another without judgment or fear or feeling trapped, because open love sets you free and that's true love. And this goes with anything in life, you accept, embrace, this means you love and that you will fully live.
To forgive is to love. To forgive is acceptance. To forgive is to be free.