Friday, 25 February 2011


It felt soft in her grasp, the old kerchief hanging there, in the base of her fur coat. It had been there for quite some time, not much use, but a comforting feeling nonetheless, when she reached in, wondering what was bulging, so tirelessly, in her pocket. Ah. The soft kerchief, waiting to be used. But now? Just a little mini blanket to twist and fiddle in between those silky finger tips, for those lonely occasions... Or maybe for a tear, or for some running mascara when the rain would fall. And yet, outside the venue, with the old rock groove from a band blaring through the blackened windows and no one but a door man to fill the space with as the gentle drops of London drizzle floated and the furry smoke drifted from her wet lips, the only comforting thing, right there, in that moment, was the white fluff, in her pocket, that kerchief, rolling around like little dead rabbits, creating a certain warmth, generated from her rubbing finger tips.

This was the moment, she thought, the moment she would think up something big. Something that would solve all pain and take her away. Far away from here.

But as the blossom of manufactured white-snot-paper rolled and rolled into an endless sheen of nothingness, she also knew, that her thoughts, no matter how wondrous, were useless and forever nothing.

And sixty years on, when her coat had been past onto someone else, maybe a family member or hanging from a rusty hanger, waiting to to be sold for a fiver; some woman would wear it, feel its fur run along her shape. And when the cold would blow hard and she closed the collar tight around her neck, digging her fists deep into its pockets, a familiar yet foreign softness would appear. And there it would sit, that kerchief that had its

mischievous grin,

smile from beneath and

take away everything but

a story it used to own.


Check out Wee Claire's blog and her latest interview with... ME!

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Bad Habits Die Hard

There's one term I refuse to accept and that is "flaws" in a person. There are motivational speakers out there who speak of "flaws" in a person and how you need to overcome them. The minute you're telling someone they have "flaws", that's the minute people feel bad about themselves, like there's something wrong with them. Well there's NOTHING wrong with you. You are perfect just the way you are.

So throw out those self help books on becoming a "better" person because they're designed to steal your money and make you follow a false prophet.

I believe we are born perfect. And as we grow, we soak up our surroundings like a sponge, which eventually turns us into who we are today. There is no such thing as a 'pure' personality, because whatever our soul consists of, we individually choose to pick up messages subconsciously for our own personal reasons. What I will say though is; these supposed "flaws" are actually in my opinion, 'habits'. But they're only really bad habits, if they make you unhappy. Then maybe it's something you should address and figure out how to prevent a bad habit from reoccurring.

I used to have a man in my life who eventually convinced me that I needed to become a "better" person. So there I was, thinking I was flawed and needed solving and becoming better. But what I didn't realize was that I already was better. I was perfect even before he entered my life. I didn't need help, I was fine just the way I was. So after having that epiphany, I let him go and re-learned how to trust my own instincts in what was good for me and what wasn't. And once he was gone, so went many others. I did a bit of people-spring-cleaning. I got rid of all those people who I felt were negative energy so that I could fully concentrate on being happy.

And my other habits? There are a few I'm constantly battling with to keep under control. But the biggest habit I picked up over the years, was pleasing others before myself. This is a big one I think many people suffer from. And it's really a mixture of guilt, lack of self value and fear. I think when you recognize a bad habit and it really prevents you from reaching your full potential, then try to understand why you have it in the first place and work backwards from there. I always felt that the need to please others came from my mother. Once I realized I didn't have to become like my mother a massive weight was lifted from my shoulders and I taught myself how to become more selfish. And you know what? The more I listened to what I wanted and what my needs were (guilt-free) the happier I became.

But with every bad habit, you have to learn to control it once you overcome it. It's like refusing yourself chocolate if you're on a diet. You have to stay on top of it so that you don't slip back into the same pattern. But again, with time and practice, you will be able to handle it (in German) mit links - meaning with your left (hand).

You're born perfect. You don't need to change, you just need to learn to become more self aware. If more people worked on their self awareness, I think there would be more love to go around.

Saturday, 19 February 2011


I curl up in your shadow,
waiting for my slow
    eminent death.
Catching my breath
    just before
        I exhale my last,
I watch our film
    roll of lies;
        a French Noir flick
    of indisposed
I head on out and
    wash all color
    from my skin.
With our bubbles of
    ancient lust as a last reminder,
my eyes roll back and
    the black cave twists
with a lisp of harsh sound.
In your shadow I die

Hearts Full of Graveyards

I'll die inside

    the heart you


    and take it

        to the


Friday, 18 February 2011


Deep down 
a little hole, 
where feelings and such 
are kept a secret, 
I think of you and 
how you make me 
warm in 
those places 
I never thought possible.
Somehow in it all, 
I only care 
to be 
where you are
every day, 
till we are nothing but 
ashes for children 
play with.

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Once a Friend

I wish I could tell you a secret
so deep from my heart,
but I felt betrayed by
We go back a long way,
when our organs
were blooming
and our thoughts
Now at times
when I want
you something
I have to bite my tongue
I wonder,
are you
still that
I believed you
Maybe one day
I will pick
up the phone
and wait
for your voice
to scratch my
and maybe,
just maybe,
we can
really be
the best
we once
started out
to be.

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Notice Me

Sometimes when
I look into your eyes
I can't help myself but
get lost in dreams I
together with

So much do I
I wear your skin like
a coat as
my insides turn
to milky mush.

Rape me from
your tender thoughts
and choke me with your
hot breath.

Soak me with
your mouth of nectar
and drown me in
your worst wishes.

Inside your room
of messy dreams,
I'll wander forever
until one

Monday, 14 February 2011

Keep it Simple

Ever get bogged down with too many thoughts? Ever get confused with too many options? Ever wonder why you seem to always repeat your "mistakes"? Well we've all been there, we complicate things to the point where we don't know where our "problems" begin and where they end...

I've simplified my life down to two things - I keep it simple by always reminding myself of my goal and I do this by keeping my eyes open to life around me.

You see, you can go on analyzing why things in life are the way they are till the cows come home.

You can remember the past, imagine the future and forget that you're in the present.

You can stick as many metaphors to your problems as you want and further try to explain them away and make excuses not to go ahead with what you really want to do. But I strongly believe, if you have that much time on your hands to over analyze everything to the minutest detail, then you're kinda wasting your day away.

How about try and do a little less thinking and even less talking and start Doing? If you feel the fear approaching as you muster up the courage to go get what you want, then it's because you're challenging yourself. You gotta ask yourself, are you gonna let the fear control you? Are you gonna let it be your master? Instead of the Master of it? Because if you have the fear, use its adrenaline instead, use it as a powerful tool to go out there and seize whatever it is that needs seizing.

I'm the best example of using my brain A LOT. Too much at times. But I've learned to balance it out. Luckily I was born a doer, but still, at times, this brain of mine, it just won't shut up, it's constantly hungry and wants to understand everything. And I had to learn to tell my brain to take a chill pill and that I would listen to it when the time was appropriate.

You're in the driver seat. No one else. You might have a passenger once in a while, but that's all they are, passengers, you're the one driving, so stop flapping and step on the gas and feel the speed of the wheels beneath you, let go of all those thoughts of expectancies, rules, what you can and cannot do.

You were born free, don't let anyone else tell you different. Don't let anyone tell you there's only one way to live life, don't let anyone convince you that there is only way to achieve happiness. Because unless you're the one telling yourself what is good for you, no one will know better.

Everyone thinks they have the answer to life and how to live it. But they only have the answer for themselves and that's as far as any truth will ever go. Learn what you need, what you want and be respective of others.

I don't like people preaching, because the only preacher I listen to is myself and I don't need to tell anyone else how to live their lives because by the end of the day, I don't know. I know nothing. I'm just doing my best to be human and an artist.

And while you're out there living your dreams,

never forget to




and that includes


Sunday, 13 February 2011

You have one too!

It's been a busy week since I've returned from Berlin. My bands first back-to-London-show blew up the audience and had people speechless; because how can two people create such loud noise and controlled chaos? Well we can, because we've graduated with a degree for best innovative sound and live performance since we've returned from Germany.

So yea life is good and busy because we've got some awesome projects in the pipeline, including another music video and a mind-blowing first Album. I love making art. I love being able to express myself and feel like a real human being with uncontainable emotions, boiled flesh and sweaty tears.

The other night I was in bed with my very beautiful man-lover-friend and before we fell asleep we exchanged a few thoughts and at some point in the conversation he took hold of my ass and told me that I had the best ass in the world... I told him I knew that already but thanked him kindly for the compliment. And I meant it. I do really and honestly think I have a pretty fucking awesome ass.

For years I've had a bit of an "issue" with my scrumptious tush, because I felt it was too big and people always seemed to focus on it. It's like being the girl with a cleavage that people can't stop staring at. Well that's kinda what its been like with my ass, only for some reason strangers thought they could give it a squeeze when I passed by them in a bar (or the street).  So my tush started to make me feel uncomfortable, soon I became ashamed for having a part of my body be on such sexual display that I did whatever I could to shrink its size. I stopped eating certain foods and I'd wear over-sized t-shirts and sweaters to hide my buttocks beneath it. And what started as a little discomfort soon ruled my life.

But I got over it and now I celebrate my femininity. Yea, sure, sometimes I get the ol' insecurity back from time to time, but on the whole, I celebrate my body. I think to reach this point in life where you truly embrace all of yourself, you really have to learn to love yourself for who you are and how you look. Although we get older, the wiser part actually only happens if your heart's open to learn from yourself and others around you. Eventually with this knowledge, you'll breed confidence and empowerment. And with such positive feelings, you'll automatically learn to love the physical parts on yourself as well. You can choose to focus on the "bad" things in life and on your body OR you can celebrate those things that make you look and feel great. The more you do that, the less these "bad" things even appear.

When I think about achieving a goal, I rarely think about the loooong steps I would have to take in order to achieve it. Instead I think about the end result and work my way backwards. So when I thought about how to get my band to Berlin, I thought about the goal, which was seeing Berlin the city in my head and my band walking the streets, playing busy shows, writing and recording our Album... And with those thoughts in my mind I worked my way backwards and figured out practically how we could achieve this goal.

Yes, I can sometimes be up my own arse

and I really don't mean to show off...

that's a lie, I'm always showing off,

but at least it's one fucking sexy arse indeed

and I know you have one too!

Monday, 7 February 2011

Motivate, Stimulate and Pray

It's not always easy staying motivated. In fact, the less I do, the less I even want to do. But not since I've returned from Berlin. Somehow the city's given me a new sense of motivation and stimulation pretty much, well, everywhere. That's right. I'm so stimulated with motivation, that I've been running every morning for 20 mins, before breakfast, since I've returned to London. I've also been cleaning out my room, turning it into the dream room I've always wanted it to be. Call it a spring cleaning in winter if you like. Sometimes the mind just needs to be rid of all those sticky cobwebs that I've been putting off.

Somehow Berlin has also helped me return to my confrontational roots. Meaning, I ain't so much afraid of speaking my mind. And it's fucking liberating. I genuinely feel powerful, rooted and ready to rock. I don't want to take shit anymore, not from the promoters, not from friends, not from boyfriends, not from family, not from public transport, not from politics, not from anything or anyone. Because this is my time. My life. My turn for me and only me.

Sounding too selfish for the Catholics? Well let me tell you something. There's only one God, one religion that I follow and that's me. That's right. I am God. My very own God. You can call it a higher self of me that I talk to and that guides me through my journey. Go find a mirror, look into it and start praying to and for yourself. Because there's no one better to pray to, love, motivate and stimulate than you. You're perfect the way you are. And the only rules you should follow are the ones your heart desires.

Stop feeling guilty. Stop preventing yourself from enjoying the indulgences life has to offer. Open that dry heart of yours and feed it with life, love and people. This is it. There's no one gonna save you. There's no one waiting for you to make it happen. It's all up to you. And that should be easy!

You only got you. So be good to you.

Sunday, 6 February 2011


I'll wear your skin,
I'll wear it thin,
a thousand times

When you're away
I lose your smell,
its musk
turns to dust
inside the

I'll wear your skin,
I'll wear it thin
a thousand times

And here I chase
a heart full of
I break its shell
of modern

I'll wear your skin,
I'll wear it thin
a thousand times

A rusty rope from
your bottle of
I soak it with blood,
as I
take hold
within our blue
I try to be

I'll wear your skin,
I'll wear it thin
a thousand times

I'll stick the pins
along your skin
I can,
a thousand times

Saturday, 5 February 2011

Let's try again shall we...?

My month in Berlin with my band was more than just an adventure and a soul feast, it was an eye opener. The quality of life there is a lot higher and as an artist you can really become part of something and continue to nourish that hole in your heart.

I wish I could point the direction of where the art communities were in London, where that musicianship was, that support network, but alas, I don't think there is one, unless they've become secret or have become lost amongst the egos. I felt in Berlin that the artists companionship was everywhere. In Berlin we experienced bands helping one another out, giving each other advice and sharing experiences. Call me naive, but that's how I always dreamed art to be. A collection of people who feel safe expressing themselves and supporting one another. This whole lone wolf thing is only cool for so long then after a while it just becomes a battle and you feel like you've hit a glass ceiling.

London has a great art scene but I also feel it's come to the point where it's all under some kind of control. As long as you follow a certain guideline only then will you become accepted and hopefully make a buck or two. But art shouldn't be about control. Art should be daring, challenging, questioning everything and everyone. Art is about holding the mirror up to nature that demonstrates all the fucking wrongs as well as all the fucking rights.

If you control art, then you control the minds of every single person out there. Fuck that. If I'm serious about my musical project and all the work I've put into it in the last two years, then I can't be in London any longer. I'm not going to start a revolution here, I'm not going to bother to try and rile up sleepy musicians who would rather look the part than know how to properly write music from the soul.

That's another thing. In Berlin, the quality of bands is unbelievable. For the first time, my band was actually being challenged. In London we've always felt a little unchallenged because some artists seem to be more worked up about their image rather than their sound.

But like I said, I ain't gonna try and fight against this new system, there's no point. I'd rather just live somewhere where life's easier as an artist and where we can have the freedom to do what we want, whenever we want without anyone saying otherwise. Shouldn't every true artist want this? I'd be surprised if they don't. But then again, there are no rules to being an artist. We all are artists one way or the other.

Expressing yourself is to let your soul free, is to be free and taste real freedom.