Sunday, 30 January 2011

You Can't Make Me!

I refuse to leave Berlin. At least in my heart. This city has reminded me of the possible things. This city offers a chance for artists. It's open and curious. Just like me. It's like I found a best friend who understands me.

BUT, we will be back in the summer!

This entry's subject is about getting shit done. A little blunt, I know, but it's the strongest way I can put it. Yes, as an artist, I suffer in various ways. And that's good, because I think to suffer means to care. I think to understand the good, you got to face the bad. But the irony is, the "bad" doesn't actually exist, because all the obstacles you attain are actually something positive, leading you into the right direction.

I think to be an intelligent artist in today's time, you've gotta understand the infra structure of the business side. That's what I do. I understand it and I work around and sometimes with it. There's almost no real point in getting someone else to do the brainy work for you, unless they offer it, for free. hehe. It always astounds me when I see artists depending themselves on other people because they genuinely believe that they can't do the 'businessy stuff' on their own... I personally believe that's an excuse and it's lazy.

We're living in a time where record labels are going out of business, hence the walking pop star clones and the terrible music that goes with it... I bet Lady Gaga (and anything RnB) is what's keeping the record labels from drowning. My point is, we have no choice but to do it all on our own if you're seriously interested in achieving artistic enlightenment. And if you stick with it, eventually people will come to you, not just the fans, but other people who will take a load off once in a while. You believe in your work and the product's worth selling? Eventually people will catch on.

We're all made out of the same material and personalities are NOT genetic and we shouldn't be blaming our parents for our problems. I think with every new chubby baby that's born, it has the potential to do whatever it likes. I understand that nature has its way of molding us, but we can all rebel against that and do what we want... 

We just need to require two things - Passion and Practicality.

Two P's for a Perfect world.

My aim? Fucking return to Berlin asap. And how? Well, there are a couple of things we gotta sort first, mix and master Album, promote the shit out of it in London, save up money for Berlin and head on down there for two months in the summer and tour, do festivals, make money to cover the costs... The point of that? Increase fan-base by creating awareness of music and sell records and merch.

See? Passion AND Practicality!

I think life should be taken by the horns. There is no safety in life but to give and receive love.

Live every day like you're gonna die tomorrow.

I'm gonna die tomorrow so I'll fucking live right now, in this very moment.

Monday, 24 January 2011


Did you know
my smile would
in the moment
I glimpsed
of something
I couldn't hide from?
Did you know my smile could
right in the moment
sweet words were
and trust was
but a rusty rope
in my bleeding
Did you know
that when I'd smile,
I dreamed
of something softer
and with
more understanding?
My smiles,
they lie
at times,
when you hurt
my heart.

Thursday, 20 January 2011


In a mist I'm lost
and look for gold.

Alone and wandering,
with nothing
ahead of me
but the white curtain
of foggy dust,
a few thoughts
spring to mind.
I wonder;
when I find
my gold,
will it bring?

In the mist
my hands disappear amongst
and with my floating
for a moment
my step is

my heart is light
and I think;
if I find
my gold
and the
ceases to last,
at least
I will always
have a story
worth telling.

In the mist I'm lost
I feel found.

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Love Letter

One by one your words
fill me with
Its sticky liquid pouring from
my skin like
melon juice.
I pick out single words,
enlarge them and
swing high from
their power.
Memories of a certain
not too far away,
swell my veins and
dance with the love letter
you wrote me.
I've always wanted you,
your sweet words sew
my heart together.
And so its mystery begins,
what was once
a secret fantasy,
is now,
almost alive
and breathing.
I've always wanted you.

Tuesday, 18 January 2011


Within a spiral
I exist
a twist
a list
of things
I miss.
Within a spiral
I take hold
of everything
I know
that once was
Within a spiral
I cannot have
of what I believed
to be real
a big
But in a spiral
I always win
and around
around I go
until I start
and once

Thursday, 13 January 2011

The Hole in Your Wall

There's a hole in your wall.
At night I see
into your
fruitful garden.
My eyes rich with
desire to slip a hand
right through the moss soaked cavern,
and grab a plump
the wet moss
begins to bleed
as its gentle fern
sews the hole in your
wall together.
And for a little
I can
almost hear
just before
the hole in your wall
shuts completely.

The Hole in My Wall

There's something incredibly powerful being so close to history in Berlin, walking along the remains of the fallen rubble that divided a city, a nation for 20 years. Reading into the history of it, it's amazing to discover the attitudes of people and how they dealt with the iron curtain.

At the moment I am so emotionally wired that I don't even quite know how to write this blog. There's so much going through my mind, trying to understand what it must have been like for some people to wake up one morning and find the beginnings of the physical separation between East and West. What started as barbed wired fence, soon increased into brick walls and guards with guns patrolling it. And for those part of the intelligent group in East Germany to suddenly be forced to subdue their thoughts and to live repressed, must have created so much frustration.

What I also found astounding is how Allied countries at first helped West Germany with the infamous 'airlift' in order to entice the East Germans to cross borders in order to weaken the Soviet interest within Germany, but then leave the country stranded once the wall was put up. The U.S. Government called the wall "a fact of international life" and left it at that. When the wall was taken down, Margret Thatcher begged the Soviets to try and do whatever they could to keep the wall from falling. The wall represented two principles; it wasn't only to prevent East Germans escaping into the West, it was also a comfort blanket for the Allies because it meant the Soviets would probably cease interest in spreading their Soviet ideologies across Germany. So really the wall was a win win for the Soviets and the Allies, but for the people of Germany?

Despite the 20 year repression amongst the East Germans, when Günter Schabowski announced that the gates shall be opened for the East to cross over to the West on 9 November 1989, there was no hesitation, people collected themselves at the edge of the wall and united they crossed over into the arms of the West. That for me is the true spirit. That for me is man-kind no longer letting themselves be bullied. That for me is purity with soul and heart and love. To do whatever it takes.

I guess you can say, that although we have governmental structures to keep people under some kind of  illusive control, we really are the leaders assisting the politicians and not the other way around. At least that's my ideology. However naive that may be. And I understand, to know true freedom you have to grow up with it. I also understand that there are belief systems in countries where freedom is a paradise that one works towards instead of attaining it daily.

We are the nation, we are the country, we make the money, we create the life and the happiness. It's ok to be led, but leaders should still know that without their people, they cease to be leaders. And maybe sometimes we have to remind them of that.

I wish for everyone to feel their true human spirit everyday, that the real leader and the real power comes from within.

Sunday, 9 January 2011


Your mornings are my evenings,
it's when you sleep and I awake.
Your breakfasts are my dinners,
it's when you eat and I stay hungry.
Your writing is when I think,
it's when you prosper and I observe.
Whenever we meet
a breeze seems to pass between us
and for a moment
we blink
and wonder,
what are we even

Thursday, 6 January 2011


When will I die
and become the ashes
you once burned
inside my heart.
When will I haunt
those words
you left trailing behind
in a shadow of disguise.
When will you realize
my flesh is yours and
that remains
will forever be stained
within our chest.
When will I take
care of those thoughts
that once scarred my soul
and melted inside your black eyes.
When will I die?
When will we die?
When we are nothing

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

I Heart Berlin!

It's just been over two days and I'm already falling head over heals in love with... Berlin.

Yesterday we decided to wander around the city, get our bearings straight and embrace the atmosphere. We probably walked in total a good 9K and although it doesn't sound like a lot, most of the time our focus was on trying not to slip on the ice, so you end up using muscles you didn't think existed. We also visited the Brandenburger Tor to see where one of our gigs will be taking place; an outdoor show for a demonstration against genetic food modification.

What got me thinking the most in these last two days, is how relaxed Berlin as a city is. The streets are wide, the air is fresh and seemingly cleaner than London and there seems to be more space because there's no over-crowding. And because of this freedom within these streets of Berlin, my mind feels freer to wander around and soak everything up without having to dodge people. I've come to realize that it's taken me a good four years in London to master my creative process, because the city's so busy with hustle and bustle that I used to get distracted from my work. But here in Berlin, we set up our studio, we begin our recording, I simultaneously paint, whilst the guitars are being recorded, and I don't feel this closing wall I usually do in London, I can just focus on art. Maybe this has also to do with the fact that Ben and I can really take this month out to focus on our work without any other commitments than to each other and our art.

But I have to say, it's really nice to be able to do this adventure, to be able to feel relaxed and work away, then later pop out to a local bar, meet new people, practice my German and enjoy life the way it should be.

Our flat is also quite the gem. Wooden floors, minimalist but effective interior designing and enough rooms for us to separate for a couple of hours, work on our own things and then reunite. It's quite astounding how balanced one can feel when you have the time to focus on what matters to you the most. This is probably what every human wants and needs in order to live as long as possible. I'm feeling something stronger than just content, because I'm still motivated and ambitious, but there's peace within me as well... I always thought being content is about being at peace... But some of my friends find being content is usually a hole they've dug themselves into where the adventures in life suddenly have stopped...

So I don't know the exact words to describe what I'm feeling, but it's a mixture between love, ambition, motivation and an endless hunger.

I say feast upon life as much as your belly can handle. It's ok to be greedy as long as you're not fucking someone else over in the process.