Friday, 29 October 2010

Leave your comments here...

Dear Friends,

It would be most appreciated if you could leave a comment on the Nylon blog website - my band The Unkindness of Ravens have a little feature in it and we need all the support we can get!

Thank you!

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Did you ever think... for a second...

Tell me something. Did you miss me, in that moment when I was away? Did you ever think it could get this far? I didn't, but I played this game of poker, allowing myself to think there was only one way to go about this and then, well, I just did... fell into your arms like it was the only thing that kept me from living. I fell so fucking hard. I couldn't smell myself any further from the flowers that were there to turn my soul into this mess.

So I ask you. Did you miss me when I fell into the fields of flowers, warming our innards as the days passed through our veins like warm milk?

Did you miss our intentions when we said we would sail out into the lands of nothing, falling into another world together when we promised each other kisses?

I can't remember anymore when we said those words. Those words of promise, because I found another, something more than just words, something more with promise and something more than just flowers.

You see, there was a time, a time when we said many things and then as it passed and you moved away I was confronted with what I had in front of me. And you know what? It really wasn't that bad. The curse of believing there was only one way to live this life as it disappeared.

I was a fool once. Thinking that many knew better than me. My weakness, I do admit, but then as I realized my own power, the power to get what ever I wanted, that force of nature that exuded within my veins like teenage testosterone. I couldn't help but follow those, the norm of males, those who wanted to crush my inner soul, those who knew I was something greater than they could ever understand... A fool I was, helpless in thinking that anyone could ever know better than me.

SO I ask, for a final time, did you ever miss, those times, when you knew I was the one who showed the way to a life that promised something better than your little mind could ever comprehend? Because now, as I look at everything I have managed, from little and now to something big, as determination fuels my bones into a greater beast of love and passion, did you ever think, for a moment you could handle something so mighty?

Maybe you did, but maybe you couldn't. And whatever the reason, I still stand like a bull at the edge of a cliff, I know when it is worth to jump.

Monday, 25 October 2010

Drowning Sound

Drowning myself
in sound,
far from what may be.
Further from a distant
drown alone in me.
Here it comes
from the past,
a sharp tool
to cut my loose,
drowned before
reality hits
I try and ignore
before it's missed.
And then the water
comes rushing in to help me
feed the drowning from within.
I can't help
but feel the sword
as it tears in deep
and the
river flows.
So I drown
myself in sound,
to ignore what should be done
to escape the inevitable
to hopefully be free
from it.

Friday, 22 October 2010

The Amish Way

A little while ago I saw a documentary on the Amish in North America. The Amish originated from Switzerland but were cast out of the country and migrated to the Netherlands where the boats for the New World were waiting. And so they settled, in North America, small communities dotted all over the place, living a life completely independent from the rest of the world. Fascinating. The Amish still speak the oldest form of Swiss German and they live solely off of the land they live on.

At some point in their culture, when the Amish hit their teenage years, they are "sent out" into the "real" world to practice what they call 'Rumspringä' in order to learn from the 'real' world and make a choice if they want to stay Amish or join the real world. In this three part documentary we accompany four teenage Amish kids to the UK and watch them learn about other less religious youth groups.

What struck me most, although the Amish are strictly religious, they seemed far from judgmental of the other more 'wilder' kids. How refreshing; a religious group that wasn't imposing their beliefs onto others. Quite on the contrary - what seemed more fascinating was that the 'modern' kids were learning quite a lot from the Amish, realizing that life could be filled with more things than just TV, beauty products, sex and booze.

Despite all the learning that was happening from all - what hit me was how completely independent the Amish were - all of their food is harvested from their fields, they build their own houses and barns, they don't use electricity (oil lanterns instead), for the winter they preserve all of their food in glass jars, they make their own clothes, furniture, there's no waste, no excess in products, just simply what they need. Uncomplicated. And I must say, tempting; to be able to live a life without all outside influences, a life so simple, easy and to the point. And with a life so simple like the Amish, so are their feelings, very rarely do they fight or find disagreement, they seem incredibly Zen at all times, smily and chilled. I guess that would happen to anyone who didn't feel the need to be greedy, because you already have everything you need.

The only down part is their strict religious beliefs - as far as singing goes, this is only done if you're singing for and about God, no paintings, no music, nothing really creative besides embroidery, dresses and quilts... so obviously the Amish way of life wouldn't really be my thing, unless of course they allowed me to sing about anything and whenever as well as write and draw and paint...

However, what got me thinking was the dependency we have on one another in this 'modern' world. Something that seemed to scare the Amish from the real world. This is something that freaks me out sometimes as well. If there ever should be a Third World War, I'd be fucked - I wouldn't know how to grow my own food, sew my own clothes or build my own house. Sure, maybe out of necessity I would learn, and I'd learn fast, but I wouldn't have those skills at first...

Key word is independence. How self sufficient are we really? How much do we rely on other people to get things done in life? Not just in the larger schemes of things, but even in our own little worlds. How much do we depend ourselves onto others to make us happy? To help us find and feel love? To feel wanted? To inspire us? To motivate us?

Out of necessity we should be responsible for our own happiness, our own motivation, our own creative choices. You are in charge of your day, how you feel and what thoughts you keep in your head. You can choose your thoughts like you can choose what you want to wear in the morning.

I truly believe to love someone, try loving yourself first. If you don't know how to love yourself then you don't really know how to love a potential someone special. And I've been there. I've loved someone before myself, and I became addicted in the unhealthy way. I didn't even know if I loved the person for who he was and was more addicted to the love he gave me because I lacked it for myself.

We are responsible for ourselves. If you want something, you go get it. Don't wait. It won't come.

Key word is independence. Maybe not quite the Amish way, I like my music, sex and booze far too much, but maybe I'll consider the Amish-way-of-independence...

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

And They Will Fall...

"...And they will fall into the depths of forgetfulness..."

I had a ghost whisper into my ear this morning. I tried to listen. I believe she wasn't alone. Two girls. Sometimes giggling, yet very content in sharing something of importance. Both sounded very young. But they promised me something. And that was that the children of yesterday will fall into the depths of forgetfulness, but that I needn't worry. I wasn't them. They promised me that much.

So I researched their words. And I discovered that there are two kinds of worlds split by two kinds of children; those children from yesterday and those of tomorrow. Those of yesterday follow the steps of history, where time and growth stands still, never moving, and who are a slave to what is already laid out for them.

Children of tomorrow are filled with life other than what they see. They create new versions of life, something that will fulfill them, something where their roots will grow deep into the ground. And although the children of tomorrow are a minority, all the more special they are, and will be remembered for it.

Which child are you?

Thursday, 7 October 2010

Music to My Ears!

Yesterday my band,, and I had a fantastic photo shoot with and it was truly an awesome experience. The photos are incredibly beautiful and moody and atmospheric and I can confidently say this woman's a genius. Kelly has the eye of an eagle, she knows exactly what she wants, and it shows. She also manages to create a wonderful working atmosphere, which is important when working with new photographers. After all, Ben and I ain't models and we need some direction from time to time.

Yesterday was like a dream and when Ben and I returned to his studio feeling beat but successful, we felt our dream slowly coming to an end as we continued to print out promos of our EP 'I Used to be so Pretty'. If only a dream like that could last forever. I guess in the end, that's what we're trying to do, make our dreams come true, so that with every day, I wake up, realizing I am living the dream I've always wanted.

After all, I am making my dream happen, with every passing second. I work hard and I plan hard and it's down to disciplin and patience.

I believe anyone who at least attempts at making their dreams come true, is a winner already. There are too many excuses being made on not to do something, and my answer to that is, why not do it?!

Not every day is easy when following your dream, not every day is easy in believing your dream will come true, that's understandable, half of the world only dream when they're asleep, they've given up long ago, they think dreams are for children only. But we were all children once and being children, we were pure in our desires, they were unpolluted with adult thoughts. A child's voice will forever be louder and more important than an adults. There is nothing childish in dreams and following them, but since there's only a few of us 'dream followers', the roads are rockier, less stable and sometimes frightening.

How to get over it? Remember why you're doing this. Remember how it makes your heart feel, how your skin glows with the thought of doing this, remind yourself that life practically has little meaning without this dream, that you consequently have no choice but to follow it.

With a dream also comes reality and reason. It might be possible to achieve your dreams with little conscious of the world, but I think it's unhealthy to be totally ignorant, after all there are resources around us that we need to use in order to get where we want to be. I've learned to be immensely practical in achieving my goals, and it's made me a better artist for it.

To have a dream makes you human. You want to achieve your dream? That makes you superhuman. Have a dream, have a vision, set your goals and work towards it, step by step using discipline, practical skills, patience and keeping your heart open at all times. You manage that and the finishing line is inevitable with all sorts of prizes.