Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Finding "Mr Right"!

Whatever I say now is all my opinion and that's where my fountain of knowledge comes from, experience. I am not here to "ruin" any ideal thoughts or fantasies or dreams. I am writing this because I think women of our time have this unhealthy thought that Mr Right is out there, waiting for you. I don't believe that, but I do believe there is Mr Right-Now and he's not "waiting" for you, he's there to challenge you. We are already born complete so try not to go looking for the other "half" of your soul. You can, however, find someone who is compatible with you. And if you're young like me, and you're still finding your way, discovering more and more about yourself, you'll be changing men more than you think, because unless the man you're with is developing exactly the way you are, it is inevitable that you will grow apart, or clash at some point, and you'll be faced with the inevitable thought - "Why can't things go back to the way they were?".

So, there is no Mr or Miss Right. There is only Mr or Miss Compatible. Why not? I think that's pretty fucking cool and even better. Why have someone who's so "right" for you anyway. Life's about imperfections and working things through, that's the excitement. If everything were perfect, we'd have no reason to live, why do you think the Atlantis crashed into the sea... I do think however, for someone to be compatible in whatever stage of your life, it is vital that you both bring the best out of each other. That you both learn and grow through being together.

Now, we all know that at some stage, I'm pretty sure we've all been there, when the dating turns into a relationship and you're maybe one or two years in, maybe more, and you're both pretty darn comfortable and you're dating nights have turned into stay-at-home-movie nights with extra cheesy pizza, you'll find yourself a little bit samey. This happens. It's normal. BUT and that's a big BUT, it's up to you and your partner to make sure you keep things "interesting". Spice thing's up, go out and do something crazy.

We are faced with these impossible romantic movies. I ain't cynical. I believe my life's like a glamourous movie and I'm the director and the star so hey, more glamour this way please. But when we watch Hollywood produce the same romantic love formula over and over again, just with different characters, did we ever ask, when the couple finally get together, what happens next???

Of course we don't see what comes after, that would totally spoil the climax of the film. Because we all know what will happen, they'll live it out for a few months, and then they'll realize, that relationships need work. Love is a motivation, but even this beautiful feeling needs fuel and lots of attention. Romance my dear, ain't always about showering each other with gifts and dinners, it's the little things, like him doing the dishes even if he cooked for you that night, or buying him a toothbrush because it's time he stopped using yours, or maybe it's about stealing his sweater cos you wanna remember his smell when he's away...

See? I ain't cynical. I'm just telling the truth. My truth, but you might agree with me, or maybe you're learning something new.

A friend of mine said, "Why even bother thinking about settling for 'one' person. Why put yourself under all that pressure?". True, it's a lot of pressure to think I gotta find someone who would be for life. I never slept around. Every man I did sleep with, I had a spiritual connection with and usually it turned into a relationship. I guess you could call me a serial relationship-er. But I also grew a lot from being with someone and I feel that my relationships are like chapters in my book. Every man in my life was a unique turn around.

And what if you're confused about him being Mr Right-Now? It shouldn't have to be confusing, it should be straight forward. If your mind and heart is questioning, there is a reason for it, it's telling you something you really need and aren't getting, don't be afraid to consider change. Change can be scary, but it should be good scary, it should be exciting. Too many times have I heard people think change was frightening as though it were something bad. It's not. It's healthy. It's what life should be. Why settle for something with a routine? Life is short if you live life this way. For every 9-5 person out there, when you get home, don't switch on the TV, cook a fucking gourmet meal, or get back to that painting you've always wanted to finish, join a dance class, don't crash in your sweats, wear your sexy heals and walk around the house naked. My point is, challenge yourself daily, even if it's just little things like wearing no underwear to work, or switching your desk around, because those little things are what will keep you looking young and fresh.

And a good man, someone who is good for you and I don't mean good for you because he buys you dinners and drinks, but good for you because he embraces you for exactly who you are, he opens your heart, you open his, you both share, you both challenge, you both bring out the best and you both feel free... That's someone to hold onto as long as you can, even when it gets rocky, those challenges are what defines your love and devotion. That is, if you believe in monogamy. If you don't, that's cool, enjoy the person you're with whilst you can and make sure they're helping you bring the best out of yourself and vice versa.

I'm a free spirit and as much as I believe in my freedom, my freedom should always come with obstacles that helps me grow.

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