Thursday, 24 June 2010

She Sailed Alone

I think this time I can say that what I tried my very best in, is now officially over.

So much for soul mates.

So much for making that choice you thought was forever.

So much for really putting yourself out there.

It's a war out there.

No matter who says different.

It's a war.

And my battle wounds must now heal. If they will ever heal that is.

At this point I see no real end to my suffering. I only see that it will get easier with time. But I don't think I can ever give my heart away again. At least I cannot foretell that I ever will. This has by far been the most painful experience because I am more aware than ever what has been going on.

As a person I have come far and I have cleaned up the bullshit that I had accumulated. I just wish he was on the same path as me. I wish he was stronger. So that we can be together and laugh about all of this.

Now I feel a fool.

Now I feel ill.

Now I feel like nothing is worth living for.

Now I only have a best friend left. For some it might be enough.

But I am plagued with memories of what was once more.

Maybe soon I will become more grateful.

1 comment:

  1. thank god THAT relationship is LONG over! it's a little embarrassing to see how much I put myself out there for a person who ends up not really being worth it... at all... The only person worth it, was myself, the experience (I guess) and for recognizing that I can love. So yea - we all have skeletons and the best way to get rid of them is forgiving yourself, because the hardships are what make us the people worth talking to.