So much for soul mates.
So much for making that choice you thought was forever.
So much for really putting yourself out there.
It's a war out there.
No matter who says different.
It's a war.
And my battle wounds must now heal. If they will ever heal that is.
At this point I see no real end to my suffering. I only see that it will get easier with time. But I don't think I can ever give my heart away again. At least I cannot foretell that I ever will. This has by far been the most painful experience because I am more aware than ever what has been going on.
As a person I have come far and I have cleaned up the bullshit that I had accumulated. I just wish he was on the same path as me. I wish he was stronger. So that we can be together and laugh about all of this.
Now I feel a fool.
Now I feel ill.
Now I feel like nothing is worth living for.
Now I only have a best friend left. For some it might be enough.
But I am plagued with memories of what was once more.
Maybe soon I will become more grateful.