And the morning after? My body aches, my mind aches, my heart aches. Memories swoop back in, squeezing that void. Loneliness like cancer festering my bones.
I have a gig tonight. Drinks last night were too many to count, but the company's in question were great to be around.
It's been a long time since I was out and about, fully aware that there no longer was someone waiting for me at home, realizing I was on the "market" so to speak. And you know what? It wasn't that hard. I forgot how friendly people were. Genuinely honest and seemingly caring. I was care free and life seemed good for a little while. The blast lasted until four in the morning. All the way home there was laughter, a guest stayed over and off they went in the later part of the morning after recapping the eventful evening.
I truly believed last night that I could do this. Really and truly. This morning said something different. But it's mind over matter. The urge to tell Him that I really miss him is suffocating me. Feelings of betrayal haunt my brain like an indisposed ghost. But I try and stay strong.
I do wonder if he misses me as badly as I miss him. If his love is the same as mine...
Tonight I have a show. The show must go on. No matter what. I've always been strong. I never crumble before anyone I don't fully trust. And it's my time to have fun.
One day someone will deserve me and I them.