And my BF? Can I still call him that? I will, because he's still my friend, he's my best friend, which stands for BF. hehehe. Well he's going to sort his shit out. His happiness is loooong over due too. He's got to find what makes him most happy again, gain confidence and ride the wave without all this pent up anger and frustration. Believe me, I've been in the cross fire long enough. What started out as a happy relationship, developed into a bit of a fight fest, and I feel relieved the weight's been lifted from my shoulders.
We love each other. And I don't mean that love that you kind of still hang on too. We actually love, love each other, and this is why we made this choice of taking a break. Hey, you never know, I might be really naive here, and this "taking a break" might really be the finishing line. But I'm not going to set hopes on anything, not yet, not until I see/hear some results. You never know, my BF might never find his true happiness, and relationship or no relationship, by golly, I hope he finds what he's looking for. Because I don't wish unhappiness on anyone.
So here I am. Already feeling the memories sway in and out of my room, the kitchen, the hallway, the remaining scent on my hands, face, clothes, the saddened heart pumping loosely in my chest as my finger type away... Yea, this is what it feels like. But I think it could feel worse if my BF and I didn't have the talk. It kind of softened the blow a little bit. And it really made things clear. And this is why I believe we're good people for each other, because we listen, really listen to one another when we need to get something off our chest.
I wonder if I'll let him go properly... Or will I still take him back when he decides to return to me? I really hope he finds what he's looking for. I wish it for everyone!