Friday, 30 April 2010

Morning Glory

If I haven't said already, the windows in my little house are being replaced for the next ten days. This basically means I don't have much of a work space, since I mostly work from home, and I end up feeling rather down because there isn't a whole lot else to do. That just said, some little man just kicked me up the arse and said "You just don't want to do anything else but sulk and whine. There's a lot to do. You just don't want to do them on your own. You coward."

And he's right.

When I mean little man, I mean the part of me that wants me to live and be happy. I woke up miserable this morning. Not only because I had to be ready in time before the workers showed up, but also because it's about the fourth night in a row that I had 6 hours or less of sleep and that's due to the late phones calls to my BF. Yea, we are 'talking' it out. And if you read my previous blog, we were especially talking about how I fucking hate this grey area we are in. Basically I feel like I'm waiting for someone and I don't know how long the wait is. Ok wait. I know. I'm not just waiting for "someone". I'm waiting for my true love. And if love were a religion, and you believed in it like it were your God, then I believe that my BF is my one and only true love, because I don't have eyes for anyone else but him. And I think this is why this whole business we're in is tougher than I had anticipated.

During our phone conversation, we discussed the possibility of having no communication. But I said, if we were to have no communication and I wouldn't know when he was ready to get back into the relationship seat, I might as well move on. Waiting around, no matter how deep the love is, especially if you don't know what's going on in his life, isn't being fair to myself and my needs and wants.

My sister thought up a compromise though. She was making coffee for the workers, whilst I told her I went to bed angry last night and woke up angry, turning me into a little screaming HULK just waiting to break out of my clothes. Her suggestion: my BF and I would have no communication say one or two months. In that time we would do what we had to do to become better people. Once this time comes to an end we meet at a location that we had previously agreed on. The idea behind this is, if one of us (or both) doesn't show, we move on with our lives without the other person. And of course, if we both show, we would start our lives together forever.

It's definitely a good suggestion.

Maybe something to mull over.

But now, I've got to get back and start some work. I worry that these blogs will get the better of me someday...

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