Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Gimme a Boost

Sometimes we all need a boost. Something to take us out of our little rut. It's normal to feel the lack of energy at times, the scales heavier on one side, making you feel lopsided until you're nothing more than Quasimodo, hunched over, not wanting to look the world in the eye.

It's maybe in those times of lopsidedness, that we might have to re-think a few things a little. Take a day out, have a cup of tea, write down your aims and objectives and if you got a special someone, take out the evening as well and turn it into a romantic one.

If there's one thing that's strongly a part of me, it's my past. I allow it to be there, almost everyday, like a friend sitting next to me for a cup of tea. My past is almost more present than my actual present at times, and although I'm blessed with great memories, I'm also plagued with some tough ones.

It's always best to recognize that these past bruises were really the ones that shaped you to who you are today. Even if it's painful looking back, it's best to recognize that with those tough times, comes a reward, and that is, you're better off now, so move on!

Courtney Love once said she believes only dumb people are truly happy. Well, we all seek out happiness, but I can see what she means, I generally don't trust people who are easily pleased... For me, life needs to be more than what we're presented with. I've always been the type to question everything... However the one thing I rarely questioned, were people. Which is something I do more often now. Although my past is like a comforting blanket at times when I'm feeling at my most vulnerable, it's also a reminder of who I've become, but it's also a reminder of who I don't ever want to return to.

We all have patterns. Either we're born with them or we develop them learning from our surroundings. Sometimes these patterns aren't always put together well, and we have to change them around a bit. I for one, have recognized certain patterns in my life, to which I now am very aware of and like any bad habit, if a certain pattern crops up, I have to do something opposite so that eventually, it won't return. This is why understanding your past is essential, just don't let it hang there with you at all times, because the present is also about living in the now.

You see, there are different ways of looking at your past, either with regret or with love. I am grateful that I don't regret a thing, but although those bruises from my past shaped me into a better woman, it still can sting a little when looking back and this makes me wonder, have I forgiven myself completely?

The Key is Forgiveness. It's the one thing that really sets the intelligent people apart from those who would rather begin a war. Forgiveness. And the best place to start, is with yourself.

It's not really the persons who hurt me, disappointed me, that I need to forgive, it's myself. I have to forgive myself for ever getting involved with people who weren't right for me. When I become angry with my past, I am actually really angry at myself, for fooling myself into believing something that wasn't really there. This is why I strongly believe, if people would look deep inside themselves, they'd discover that the problems aren't external, they're internal. You can go on blaming the world all you want for your troubles, it's always easier than seeing that the problems are within you.

Sometimes my memories are lovely, it's nicer to think that way. But sometimes there are memories with a post-it note stuck to them, reminding me of who I was and that even though I no longer am that person, I have to forgive the person I was in the past.

If there's a sudden blast from the past (something that's been happening to me lately) look at it as something that's brought you a long way. Remind yourself that you are in a better place because that person you once were was the last version of yourself from that time.

Now it's about the new things you want to achieve.

Without a past, there is no present, and we all know, that the present is a gift and therefore must be treated with love and care.

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