Go Charlie Go!

So there's been a lot of hype around Charlie Sheen in these last weeks and although I've detoxed myself from most of the celebrity gossip, this was a case that tickled my curiosity.

Checking out some of the latest footage, Sheen appears gaunt, wild eyed and way too thin for my liking. However, gray appearance aside, I can't ignore the unusual sentence structures this man has let pass his lips. Oddly, I seem to get what he's on about. Does that make me crazy as well? Somehow I understand his unusual ramblings and his seemingly desperation to lay his thoughts down straight, with no BS in between.

Maybe that puts me up there with the rest of the crazies, but you know what? Charlie Sheen is the example of a product Hollywood created and to which he's now trying to break away from. AND CHAOS! Hollywood can't control one of their minions, so GASP, he MUST be nuts.

Best quotes I found on Charlie: 'This boys gone mad, send him to the loony bin' OR 'He's GOT to be on drugs no normal person would talk like that' and my favorite 'He's bi-polar.'

I ain't no psychologist, but just because someone actually stands out for their odd behavior, which challenges people's comprehension of human attitudes, doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with them. The real crazies in my opinion are all those fake 'celebrities' who claim fame after being on a crap reality TV show, the real crazies are all those girls and boys watching the crappy reality TV show and allowing those fake 'celebs' to even claim fame for NO talent, the real crazies are all those people who believe beauty is a one standard formula and cut themselves up to look just like everyone else... 

In one of the interviews, Sheen was asked to give a urine sample to see if he was under the influence of something, the results? Negative. 'Yea,' Sheen told the interviewer, 'I am on something, it's called Charlie Sheen.'

We could all benefit from injecting ourselves with our own personal high that comes from within. We should learn to create our own personal cocktail that we mix together when we're feeling down. A cocktail with a dash of confidence, a splash of sexy exotic lemon juice and a twist of love... My own personal cocktail? 'Naughty Nina Never says No'... or just a simple 'Nina Kicks Arse'...

But back to good ol Sheen. (If he's a woman beater, I'll kick his fucking ass with the ends of my high heels) If he appears a little crazy because we don't understand his alien language from Planet Bizarre, because he's actually conjuring something out of the odds, because he's tearing himself away from every single stereotype we've come to accept, then I think we've got to remind ourselves, that having these 'crazies' around actually makes this planet a much more interesting place to live in. I certainly enjoy it, because these people challenge the norm, they make us feel uncomfortable and I believe that's a good thing!

All I'm saying is, to be different is WAY cooler than to fit the norm.

We all wanna feel like we belong somewhere, that's why peer pressure exists, but as you get older, your realize that being your own trend is more fun and with a lot less strings attached.

Charlie Sheen said something that I really dug - he said all his life he'd been pleasing other people, now it was his time to do things for himself...

... and I guess because of that, he's having quite the mid life crisis...

But if you want to avoid such desperate tidal waves of change in your mid 50's, then live your life for yourself,

Every.

Single.

Day.

(And it took one 'nutty' man from ex Hollywood to remind me of that. So maybe I am crazy after all.)

I can fly

Because of the sudden changes in my life, there have been a lot of ups and downs, which have caused some disturbing dreams. Since I am more of a spiritual character, messages through my dreams are quite important to me and I will spend some time researching the symbols that appear in my dreams.

But last night, I finally had a positive dream. My mind and heart are finally on the road to recovery. The chains are broken and I feel free and light as a feather.

I dreamed I was flying. And I never felt so free.

The meaning behind flying literally means that I am free from the troubles that have plagued me for some time. In the dream I was also communicating with birds and birds represent good-luck, emotional balance in personal life, harmony.

If you're interested in this kind of thing, below are some examples of dream interpretations and numerology (My life path is a 6. I definitely learned something from it):

http://www.inoutstar.com/dream-interpretation-category/birds-2.html

http://www.dreamsleep.net/commondreams/meaning-of-flying-dream.html

http://www.ofesite.com/spirit/numerology/path6.htm

My Orange Peel

There's this horrible beast out there. Something that a lot of ads in women's magazine seem to advertise on how to get rid of. It's something that even thin women "suffer" from. Something that appears as little grooves, dimples, the texture of an orange peel... Something we all know as CELLULITE!

Why is it that women have this illusion that the perfect skin is a flawless body coat; free from beauty marks, moles, grooves, acne, cellulite, scars, large pores, blackheads? Is it really in our nature to be critical of how others look or has it been exaggerated through time? No doubt, grooming is a part of human nature, as with any animal, we like a good wash. And some even like to add a little more to their routine. Perhaps the spritz of some perfume, a lather of body lotion, an anti-oxident anti-wrinkle day cream with SPF 15, some foundation, mascara, some blush, a dab of gloss...

But how many of us put on make-up, slap on the anti-wrinkle cream, the anti-cellulite cream, the anti-hair cream, because we genuinely want to and how many of us put on these products because we feel this is the ticket to one-way-beauty?

Check this out - I'm a petite, athletic but with curves (meaning tits AND ass), 5 foot 5 gal, who has cellulite on her ass. Yea, that's true, I got a couple of little grooves on the side of my plump but firm little ass. Oh yea baby. And I like it! I do, I think it's cute, especially when my special someone grabs a boat loud of my cute tush and moans 'this feels delicious'.

Come on ladies. You can focus on the not-really-that-evil orange peel hugging your cute tush, or you can focus on the sexy tush, the curve of your waist, the perky tits, the length of your neck, the dimples in your cheek, the peachy shoulders, the lips, the smile... Enjoy your body for what it is. If you feel crappy because you know you'd feel better with a couple of pounds less, then do what you got to do and get rid of it. I don't really exercise, I kinda go for a run from time to time. I know if I'd run more, I'd feel better about myself, but if I don't run, I eat in moderation. And I don't forbid my body anything. If it wants chocolate, I give it chocolate, if it wants a burger I give it a burger, if it wants a veggie casserole that will take me 3 hours to make, I'll give it a fucking veggie casserole and maybe some extra cheese on top, and enjoy a dinner with my sister. I just make sure I eat everything in moderation.

I know life isn't black and white and people are suckered into all kinds of issues and this usually fuels all sorts of things; if it's over-eating, under-eating, obsessed with beauty products, fashion, plastic surgery... So I don't think for a second this blog could cure anyone right away. But I do think as a woman of our "modern" times it's worth asking, how many women worry more about keeping up their appearences than their passions/career?

I understand that actors in the realms of Hollywood are under enormous pressure to maintain their youth. But are we really just going to accept this kind of behavior? After all, they're setting an example for your daughters. Maybe we cant change the entertainment world, but at least we can stand up and be proud of what nature has given us, and hope that inspires other young women too. The fact that we have 23 year old actresses pumping their foreheads with botox? The obsession for "youth" has catapulted, but to make a decent movie, with heart felt actors saying their lines with dedication... well...

The next time you check out a women's magazine and you find an anti-whatever ad, have a think, do 'I really want this?' Or is 'this imposed on me believing that true beauty is without cellulite?'

If it's natural, it's meant to be. And if you change it, do it for yourself, not for anyone else.

My body is covered in a solar-system of beauty marks and moles. Yea, they can get in the way, the amount of times I scratched a mole off and caused some ugly bleeding, was enough to remove a couple. I was teased in school for having marks on my body. And it made me insecure, I believed it made me ugly. Luckily, the men I shared my heart with, loved them. They thought it made me look unique, special. In the end, I had to see that on my own. I had to see that my beauty marks made me different from other girls, made me stand out, it made me recognizable in a different way. And that's good. Those are the things you want to keep.

I could stare at my face, my body, and pick out the little things I didn't quite like, but that would just bring me down. A painting is only finished when completed and that's how you have to look at yourself, the entire painting as a whole, the mood this painting projects, the feeling, the soul, the brush strokes. And if you have something unique, make sure that's the part that stands out the most, because something unique is what sets you apart from everyone else. It's what people will remember you for.

Do we really want everyone to look the same? Beauty is an endless scope, it's everywhere and it comes in all sizes, shapes and colors.

Do we really want to take such diversity from this world?

One day your beauty will fade into something wiser, something mystical and confident. What will shine through your skin will be your personality that had been developing through the years and made you into a warrior princess.

Spend less time worrying if your hairs all right and spend more time working on your inner self, so that when you reach an awesome age of 60+, you'll have some fascinating stories to tell. People love people, not for their looks, but for their beautiful magnetic personalities.

Hello, my names Sorry

I counted one day how many times I apologized in one day. 36 times. Maybe that's a huge number to some, maybe it's a small number to some.

For me? What was I apologizing for? That's what I kept asking.

I think we apologize too much. I hear it all the time. Sorry, could you please make some room so that I can get by? Sorry, I didn't see you there... Sorry I cannot hear you, could you please speak up? Sorry, but this is who I am... Sorry but I'm not sorry...

I've been in enough hairy situations with people where I end up apologizing more for my own existence than maybe wondering if maybe whatever I did, wasn't actually something to apologize about.

Where does all this apologizing come from? Growing up, my mother had a tendency to induce guilt in order to get her way. Yes, it's not just the Catholics who grow up with guilt issues. So, I grew up feeling guilty most of the time, sacrificing myself for other people, feeling terrible if I wanted something because I didn't feel like I deserved it. Once I recognized these "issues", I knew it was time I packed my bags and went out to discover ME. And I wasn't sorry for it! I left my home when I was 18 and had various adventures, learning quickly that life wasn't about leading it for others, it was about leading it for myself.

I still harbor a bit of guilt from time to time, a poison that takes time to leave your veins. But I know with everyday, I can tell myself comfortably what I want and that I deserve the very best and that I never need to apologize for it. I also managed in my time, to find some interesting lovers who also managed to prey on my guilt-weakness, and so with that, I've become stronger in recognizing who's good for me and who isn't.

The amount of times I've apologized on the grounds for who I am rather than what I did is insurmountable and unacceptable.

Because we're all in control of our feelings and our actions, and no one drives anyone to the punch, we do that ourselves.

If you want to say sorry, than say it to yourself for not being there enough for yourself, for not giving yourself everything you deserve. You are your most true best friend and you only got you, for the most part of the day anyway...

It's not Excuse Me, it's Excuse You...

True Sex Comes From Within

I've done a lot of reading over the weekend (and writing for that matter) - mostly due to one of my best girl friends who has hooked me up with some amazing literature. My sister now worries I've totally been converted into a feminist, I might be or I might not be, that is the question, or not at all, it really doesn't matter, because what's important is the KNOWLEDGE!

So whenever you get a chance, look into 'Female Chauvinist Pigs' by Ariel Levy and it will give you a great break-down of our cultural movement in the male and female American society.

But now in my own words. Raise your hand if you feel sexy? Raise both hands if you feel sexy and want to have sex because you're horny? Raise both hands and a leg if you feel sexy, feel horny and really want to do it with someone special? Raise both hands and both legs if you feel sexy, feel horny, want to have sex with someone special and know in return he/she is into you as much as you are into them?

Ok, my point is this, if you feel none of these things, ever, then there's something wrong. And I'll tell you why - forget Paris Hilton, any Porn star with fake tits, hair and lips, forget all those celebrities who have showed off their vagina's or have put out porn flicks to get media attention and then somehow make a career out of it. Forget reality TV (it really ain't that real), forget Big fucking Brother, forget it all.

Now, remember this, life is about you. Just you and what you want and what you're worth. It's about your body shape, not that re-touched model in the magazine, or the actress who faught tooth and nail to get her 'movie' body a month before the shoot. It's about your beautiful body, the way it feels in your hands, the way the curves, the muscles, the tender bones beneath your skin feels. It's about the soul in your eyes when you look in the mirror. It's about your pretty mouth when you talk and say wonderful things that captures peoples attention. It's about your thoughts, your dreams, your lust and desire to love. That's what it's about. Forget the rest. They're all phony trying to fit in, just like you've been trying to fit in your whole life. It ain't worth it. Because you're special, you're unique, you create a balance in this world, without you, things would tip. You are here for a reason, and that is to stand out as your own. To capture your dreams in your own beautiful and unique and remarkable way.

I wasn't gonna initially write all that above, but it came out anyway, so I'm leaving it there.

But what I really wanted to say is this, Paris Hilton is NOT sexy. You know why? Because she's obvious and cloned just the way the media clones every unique individual into a peroxide soulless stick. She's tall, thin, and blond and wears pink. In my opinion, Paris Hilton's a cartoon character that society has invented, or come to accept, to what sexy is. If you watch her "porn" videos, she's BORED out of her mind! You know why? Because she actually doesn't really know how to have sex. Just because someone oozes obvious sex, doesn't mean they actually know how to have good sex. Just like someone obsessed with porn, won't necessarily know how to be good in bed. Because porn doesn't teach anything about connection, it just tells you wear to stick it and how many places to stick it into!

Someone like Paris Hilton who spends more time checking herself out in the mirror, getting attention, won't actually know what to do with it when it comes down to it. Because she is numb inside. She's an outer shell. She's what I would like to call, make-believe. Now we've all done it, when we were children, we made stuff up, we played in the gardens, ran around, turning our real world into a world of magic and color and castles and wars, only we could see. Then we grow up, and we enjoy real connection, we learn from the next person, we connect and we turn our world into something magical that we can actually touch, see, smell, hear and taste.

So my point is this, real is what you make of it. And whatever sexy is to you, is real and it's true.