Love Hurts

I ain't gonna tell you to give up.
I ain't gonna tell you to stop trying.
In fact I'll tell to wait.
To focus on what's you.
On what's the thing
that makes you tick.
But yea,
Lets get this fucking thing straight,
we all suffer
from this little illusion
from what is.
But believe me darling,
there really ain't nothing to go by.
Just yourself.
At first it seems sweet,
like blood softer than any water
flowing from your insides
and you'll tell me otherwise,
but it all takes work.
And sometimes you'll try your damnedest
to make it work
and then it explodes like knives
into your little sweet sockets of a brain.
And it suddenly don't make sense.
Here's sense for ya,
don't go looking,
and nine times outta ten,
he ain't worth the bother.
But then suddenly,
once you've marked your
talent,
he'll come running
like a desperate little rabbit,
and you're
on
top
of
the
fucking
world.
But honey,
it don't matter,
because
you have you.
And maybe someday
you can
share
it
with someone
you think
worth your
time
.

Shimmer

I feel your rock in my heart.

I balance it on my face,

the smooth surface

almost like the taste of your skin.

Once, you gave me this,

a very long time ago,

and now near my bedside

I keep it,

hoping it will help me grow.

A lot of pain

has paved my way,

and mostly everything is

understood,

but this stone

this rock,

this shimmering mineral,

I keep close to my heart,

because you knew

how much this stone

meant to me,

and here it sits,

on my shoulder,

a blessing,

and I hope and pray

it will suck all the pain away.

Ingrown Heart

She's ingrown.
Turned inside out,
flesh exposed,
burning in the sun.
She's ingrown,
falsely amused,
facing downward.
She's ingrown,
from all the pinches
dug deep in her flesh
bruising
beyond recognition.
She's ingrown,
loved so hard,
fought with brains
now left
to shield.
She's ingrown
before the mirror
flashing teeth.
I'm ingrown,
and
ready to set free
the love
I continue to
believe.

Hill in Force

Gotcha.

She couldn't let go.

Gotcha.

Twisted with concern.

Gotcha.

And then a spiral twist.

From that moment on

she sprang to fruition,

holding onto something

that was thought to become,

but never lasted.

A lonely spider

in a kiln

suffocating within her own web

then loose beyond any thrill.

I couldn't say

how hard the climb was.

But it takes a harder step to cross it,

and another to move it.

And although

my reflection seeks beauty and peace,

my heart despairs

along the everlasting

road that's

been trampled to bits.

Could I have said it then?

I did but with less grace

do I hold onto something

that's totally killing the core of everlasting sorrow,

between these walls I seek the courage

to not become the victim

of my own demise.

And why would anyone ever want me?

Not because I don't believe I deserve it,

but maybe because there is no one there.

A happy thought,

but nothing that could stick

inside my heart.

And yet I dream

and hopelessly fall for something

that's poor and

indisposed.

A book is comfort

and book is a dream

a poem is food

a poem is...

Bruised.

My Apology

In the waking sun

I hold you tight.

Once safe in a fruit,

soaking the sweet nectar

from your heart,

in the worm we spill

something we once killed.

And when she

comes rising around

the bend,

once sorry

I let me heart fly

into the smoke,

choking from all the crumbs you fed me,

I squeeze my skin

tight against

my breast,

milk spilling from my pores

like venom

I ask you to suck,

so we can

be together again.

Mr. Bag

Oh Boy. Here comes another one. Guzzling it down like lemonade on fire. It felt good though. Letting the ol' hair down, remembering the rock n roll days of just being me, surrounded by Gods delicious fruits.

And the morning after? My body aches, my mind aches, my heart aches. Memories swoop back in, squeezing that void. Loneliness like cancer festering my bones.

I have a gig tonight. Drinks last night were too many to count, but the company's in question were great to be around.

It's been a long time since I was out and about, fully aware that there no longer was someone waiting for me at home, realizing I was on the "market" so to speak. And you know what? It wasn't that hard. I forgot how friendly people were. Genuinely honest and seemingly caring. I was care free and life seemed good for a little while. The blast lasted until four in the morning. All the way home there was laughter, a guest stayed over and off they went in the later part of the morning after recapping the eventful evening.

I truly believed last night that I could do this. Really and truly. This morning said something different. But it's mind over matter. The urge to tell Him that I really miss him is suffocating me. Feelings of betrayal haunt my brain like an indisposed ghost. But I try and stay strong.

I do wonder if he misses me as badly as I miss him. If his love is the same as mine...

Tonight I have a show. The show must go on. No matter what. I've always been strong. I never crumble before anyone I don't fully trust. And it's my time to have fun.

One day someone will deserve me and I them.

My Identity

I was once a little girl.

I cared nothing more than to have a doll.

One day this doll turned into

a

boy.

And I loved him.

Then this boy

turned into

a man.

And I loved him too.

One day

this man made me

feel

powerful.

I was somebody.

I could do anything.

Because this man was

mine.

I had a sense of purpose.

I was real. I was human.

And if something went wrong,

I ran to him,

and he loved it all away.

A man in my life,

is a distraction of the real me.

A man in my life,

turns me into a person.

A man in my life,

makes me important.

One day

I will have to learn

that a man in my life,

if not careful,

can become a burden to bare.

Best is to be loved,

once you

truly love

yourself.