Skin

I'll wear your skin,
I'll wear it thin,
a thousand times
yea.

When you're away
I lose your smell,
its musk
turns to dust
inside the
sun.

I'll wear your skin,
I'll wear it thin
a thousand times
yea.

And here I chase
a heart full of
flies,
I break its shell
of modern
disguise.

I'll wear your skin,
I'll wear it thin
a thousand times
yea.

A rusty rope from
your bottle of
trust,
I soak it with blood,
as I
take hold
within our blue
sun
I try to be
bold.

I'll wear your skin,
I'll wear it thin
a thousand times
yea.

I'll stick the pins
along your skin
until
I can,
wear
it
thin
a thousand times
yea.

Let's try again shall we...?

My month in Berlin with my band was more than just an adventure and a soul feast, it was an eye opener. The quality of life there is a lot higher and as an artist you can really become part of something and continue to nourish that hole in your heart.

I wish I could point the direction of where the art communities were in London, where that musicianship was, that support network, but alas, I don't think there is one, unless they've become secret or have become lost amongst the egos. I felt in Berlin that the artists companionship was everywhere. In Berlin we experienced bands helping one another out, giving each other advice and sharing experiences. Call me naive, but that's how I always dreamed art to be. A collection of people who feel safe expressing themselves and supporting one another. This whole lone wolf thing is only cool for so long then after a while it just becomes a battle and you feel like you've hit a glass ceiling.

London has a great art scene but I also feel it's come to the point where it's all under some kind of control. As long as you follow a certain guideline only then will you become accepted and hopefully make a buck or two. But art shouldn't be about control. Art should be daring, challenging, questioning everything and everyone. Art is about holding the mirror up to nature that demonstrates all the fucking wrongs as well as all the fucking rights.

If you control art, then you control the minds of every single person out there. Fuck that. If I'm serious about my musical project and all the work I've put into it in the last two years, then I can't be in London any longer. I'm not going to start a revolution here, I'm not going to bother to try and rile up sleepy musicians who would rather look the part than know how to properly write music from the soul.

That's another thing. In Berlin, the quality of bands is unbelievable. For the first time, my band was actually being challenged. In London we've always felt a little unchallenged because some artists seem to be more worked up about their image rather than their sound.

But like I said, I ain't gonna try and fight against this new system, there's no point. I'd rather just live somewhere where life's easier as an artist and where we can have the freedom to do what we want, whenever we want without anyone saying otherwise. Shouldn't every true artist want this? I'd be surprised if they don't. But then again, there are no rules to being an artist. We all are artists one way or the other.

Expressing yourself is to let your soul free, is to be free and taste real freedom.

You Can't Make Me!

I refuse to leave Berlin. At least in my heart. This city has reminded me of the possible things. This city offers a chance for artists. It's open and curious. Just like me. It's like I found a best friend who understands me.

BUT, we will be back in the summer!

This entry's subject is about getting shit done. A little blunt, I know, but it's the strongest way I can put it. Yes, as an artist, I suffer in various ways. And that's good, because I think to suffer means to care. I think to understand the good, you got to face the bad. But the irony is, the "bad" doesn't actually exist, because all the obstacles you attain are actually something positive, leading you into the right direction.

I think to be an intelligent artist in today's time, you've gotta understand the infra structure of the business side. That's what I do. I understand it and I work around and sometimes with it. There's almost no real point in getting someone else to do the brainy work for you, unless they offer it, for free. hehe. It always astounds me when I see artists depending themselves on other people because they genuinely believe that they can't do the 'businessy stuff' on their own... I personally believe that's an excuse and it's lazy.

We're living in a time where record labels are going out of business, hence the walking pop star clones and the terrible music that goes with it... I bet Lady Gaga (and anything RnB) is what's keeping the record labels from drowning. My point is, we have no choice but to do it all on our own if you're seriously interested in achieving artistic enlightenment. And if you stick with it, eventually people will come to you, not just the fans, but other people who will take a load off once in a while. You believe in your work and the product's worth selling? Eventually people will catch on.

We're all made out of the same material and personalities are NOT genetic and we shouldn't be blaming our parents for our problems. I think with every new chubby baby that's born, it has the potential to do whatever it likes. I understand that nature has its way of molding us, but we can all rebel against that and do what we want... 

We just need to require two things - Passion and Practicality.

Two P's for a Perfect world.

My aim? Fucking return to Berlin asap. And how? Well, there are a couple of things we gotta sort first, mix and master Album, promote the shit out of it in London, save up money for Berlin and head on down there for two months in the summer and tour, do festivals, make money to cover the costs... The point of that? Increase fan-base by creating awareness of music and sell records and merch.

See? Passion AND Practicality!

I think life should be taken by the horns. There is no safety in life but to give and receive love.

Live every day like you're gonna die tomorrow.

I'm gonna die tomorrow so I'll fucking live right now, in this very moment.

Un-Smile

Did you know
my smile would
lie
in the moment
I glimpsed
of something
I couldn't hide from?
Did you know my smile could
lie
right in the moment
sweet words were
crossed
and trust was
but a rusty rope
in my bleeding
palm?
Did you know
that when I'd smile,
I dreamed
of something softer
and with
more understanding?
My smiles,
they lie
at times,
when you hurt
my heart.

Mist

In a mist I'm lost
and look for gold.

Alone and wandering,
with nothing
ahead of me
but the white curtain
of foggy dust,
a few thoughts
spring to mind.
I wonder;
when I find
my gold,
what
fortune
will it bring?
Happiness?
Fulfillment?
Sorrow?
Loss?

In the mist
my hands disappear amongst
it
and with my floating
body,
for a moment
my step is
hesitant.

Suddenly
my heart is light
and I think;
if I find
my gold
and the
treasure
ceases to last,
at least
I will always
have a story
worth telling.

In the mist I'm lost
yet
I feel found.

Love Letter

One by one your words
fill me with
nectar.
Its sticky liquid pouring from
my skin like
melon juice.
I pick out single words,
enlarge them and
swing high from
their power.
Memories of a certain
night
not too far away,
swell my veins and
dance with the love letter
you wrote me.
I've always wanted you,
your sweet words sew
my heart together.
And so its mystery begins,
what was once
a secret fantasy,
is now,
almost alive
and breathing.
I've always wanted you.

Spiral

Within a spiral
I exist
a twist
a list
of things
I miss.
Within a spiral
I take hold
of everything
I know
that once was
old.
Within a spiral
I cannot have
faith
because
of what I believed
to be real
was
a big
mistake.
But in a spiral
I always win
and around
around I go
until I start
and once
again
begin.