I just finished reading a rather interesting article on a couple who have an "open relationship". Their verbal contract consists of things such as; no cuddling after sex with the stranger, no going away on weekends with the sexual stranger and not wearing any items of clothing that your partner has given you during a sexual encounter... there's more, but I think you get the picture.
In the article the writer explains how her and her partner have spare bedrooms for their promiscuous encounters. According to Her, she has less time to have these sexual flings than he does because of her busy career. She says they are happy with the arrangement, and they still reserve some days of the week for them to do "couple things". (I smell break-up in the near future, but she insists they are happy, as long as they stick to the "contract".)
The reason for their change in attitude towards monogamy, was because for the both of them, after years of being strict monogamists, they both felt, it was time to try something new.
After reading it, I agreed on one thing this couple did right, and that was COMMUNICATION. They expressed what they thought they needed in order to maintain their spark, keep the flame burning. Communication is key in a relationship, and if sexually you're unhappy, surely the first thing to do is talk to your partner about it and see what kind of resolution you can come up with.
However, what came next was a different story. I felt the writer was brash in assuming that her fresh attitude to this "relationship" was the all and end all to a successful relationship, immediately assuming that men just want sex, and that women who want their men to be loyal to them, were "weak" and "vulnerable".
Holly Hill wrote - "... they (women) need to realize that men want sex for different reasons..." that is assuming all men want promiscuous sex, sex without emotion and women are desperate and clingy. I also didn't agree with something else she wrote, "A woman who insists on lifetime sexual exclusivity is vulnerable and weak, but a woman who negotiates sexual infidelity is powerful." How can anyone presume that all men just want sex with no strings and all women want sex with life commitment?
Once again, men and women are being pigeon holed for obvious traits that society in time has lead us to believe. Believe it or not but men do have emotions like women and not all men are sports crazy and not all women can multitask. This is what I am talking about, this culture of pigeon holing people into something, just so that we can feel safer, in control and to feel like we understand the world, even in its most unexplained stages.
There seems to be this obsessive need to control the world around us.
I truly believe we are born the same, male and female. The only difference is our genitalia, but boys and girls have the same of everything. It isn't until Daddy takes John out to play football and Jenny stays inside because Mommy's baking a cake. This is when our children begin to think an act in a certain way because society expects them to.
Thankfully I had an older brother and I was into Barbies just as much as LEGO and GI-Joe. I also now have skills in wrestling (due to various sibling wrestling matches), and I've built various skills for team sports a well as general athletics. I was also just as good at sewing clothes for my dolls as I was building spaceships out of plastic bricks.
And just because I want to open my heart, experience true euphoria and spiritual connection with a man does not make me "weak" and "vulnerable". I believe the contrary. To want true expression with one person is a gift, it is personal and incredibly rewarding. Granted, not every relationship lasts to the end but some do and hopefully for the right reasons. I think it is "modern" women like Holly Hill (author of this article I am critiquing) who gives young women the false concept of what a healthy sexual relationship is.
If a man wants a woman to himself, and the woman feels the same way, because their feelings are mutual and together they can experience some kind of nirvana, then I don't see that as weak or vulnerable, I see that as beautiful, I see that as revolutionary, I see that as incredibly powerful.
In our Western world, we're furthermore distancing ourselves from the outside world, spending more time social networking on the internet than having an active social life. The rise of using programmed machines to take your order so that you don't have to set foot in a grocery store, is another form of desensitizing yourself from the world around you. And now writers such as Holly Hill are reminding us, that sex can just be an act, with no strings attached, another way of distancing yourself from any true human connection.
Good for women like Holly Hill to have found a partner who agrees with sex outside their "relationship". I always believed there was more than one way to lead a "monogamy" relationship, that only so many things would remain "traditional". But I have to stress, that "power" does not come from social conditioning and following whatever is laid out there for you to grab.
For me the true "power" comes from questioning, being critical of your surroundings and forming your own path, far away from any influence created by the norm. Because true power comes from within and not by how many people follow you.
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Friday, 3 September 2010
Body Image
We all got something to complain about. In an ideal world, we wouldn't be complaining at all and instead love what we got and what surrounds us.
I think this still could be achievable, but really it's more important to begin with thy self. Look at your body, your soul, your spirit and love it dotingly. The amount of times I have had young women, sometimes even older than me, ask if they looked fat or looked this or that is pretty much uncountable. We all know where these insecurities derive from, the media, and who put the media there? We did. So we only have ourselves to blame. Point is, if you give it life, surely you can also take it away. Maybe that's a bit morbid... What I mean is, and maybe this will sound less frightening, if we gave the media power, we can also take it away, after all, we're the ones buying reality TV, newspapers, gossip, fashion rags... True power comes from believing in ourselves and our own unique beauty.
The amount of times I have felt uncomfortable when girls go off about their body issues... then they turn to me, "so what do you think? Should I shed a couple of pounds...?" Gosh I don't know. If you're that unhappy, change it, but don't turn to me to give you an honest opinion, mines just as easily polluted by what media portrays as the "perfect body image". I mean, I'm also just trying to love and accept myself for exactly who I am, I don't have time to make others feel better about themselves, people should do that on their own.
This is why I stopped buying trash magazines, this even sometimes includes Grazia, which I quite like for it's range of fashion (affordable) and personal, world as well as gossip stories. But this is why I had to stop, the fucking poor influence these rags have had on me. Why should I care what celeb did that weekend, or how bad or good she looks in a bikini...? This is all very negative publicity (publicity none the less) which causes an addiction to see people fail. It's a temporary rush, which quickly needs to be followed by more celebs looking their worst, hence the rising of paparazzi. Once you're successful, you're pretty much alone (unless you've made some awesome trust-worthy friends), because everyone's jealous and all they wanna do is bring you down.
This might sound negative and I am not speaking for everyone, but this is how the media is currently run. It's kind of soul destroying if you ask me.
So yea, you wanna know what I do every morning after I shower? I have this longish mirror in my room, and when I look at myself naked, I point out all the pretty things I see. And then I put on my clothes and feel great. Simple as that. Be positive. If you feel negative, drink a smoothie, give yourself a facial and most importantly, say 'I love you', to yourself when looking in the mirror.
Because we are perfect just the way we are. If we weren't perfect, we wouldn't be here.
So yea, go and celebrate yourself. BTW - this goes out to men as much as women. Thank God men exist though, if there should ever be a great distraction, men should be it, not trash mags...
I think this still could be achievable, but really it's more important to begin with thy self. Look at your body, your soul, your spirit and love it dotingly. The amount of times I have had young women, sometimes even older than me, ask if they looked fat or looked this or that is pretty much uncountable. We all know where these insecurities derive from, the media, and who put the media there? We did. So we only have ourselves to blame. Point is, if you give it life, surely you can also take it away. Maybe that's a bit morbid... What I mean is, and maybe this will sound less frightening, if we gave the media power, we can also take it away, after all, we're the ones buying reality TV, newspapers, gossip, fashion rags... True power comes from believing in ourselves and our own unique beauty.
The amount of times I have felt uncomfortable when girls go off about their body issues... then they turn to me, "so what do you think? Should I shed a couple of pounds...?" Gosh I don't know. If you're that unhappy, change it, but don't turn to me to give you an honest opinion, mines just as easily polluted by what media portrays as the "perfect body image". I mean, I'm also just trying to love and accept myself for exactly who I am, I don't have time to make others feel better about themselves, people should do that on their own.
This is why I stopped buying trash magazines, this even sometimes includes Grazia, which I quite like for it's range of fashion (affordable) and personal, world as well as gossip stories. But this is why I had to stop, the fucking poor influence these rags have had on me. Why should I care what celeb did that weekend, or how bad or good she looks in a bikini...? This is all very negative publicity (publicity none the less) which causes an addiction to see people fail. It's a temporary rush, which quickly needs to be followed by more celebs looking their worst, hence the rising of paparazzi. Once you're successful, you're pretty much alone (unless you've made some awesome trust-worthy friends), because everyone's jealous and all they wanna do is bring you down.
This might sound negative and I am not speaking for everyone, but this is how the media is currently run. It's kind of soul destroying if you ask me.
So yea, you wanna know what I do every morning after I shower? I have this longish mirror in my room, and when I look at myself naked, I point out all the pretty things I see. And then I put on my clothes and feel great. Simple as that. Be positive. If you feel negative, drink a smoothie, give yourself a facial and most importantly, say 'I love you', to yourself when looking in the mirror.
Because we are perfect just the way we are. If we weren't perfect, we wouldn't be here.
So yea, go and celebrate yourself. BTW - this goes out to men as much as women. Thank God men exist though, if there should ever be a great distraction, men should be it, not trash mags...
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
Label Me!
Something that's been niggling at me since I last posted my blog and that is LABELS. Everyone wears them, everyone has them, everyone thinks them, everyone is one. Labels.
I ain't much of a lady for labels. I don't care what's by what, who's who within this and so on. But people need them. People want to know where you're at. Which political party you're in, what your job title is, what your sexual orientation is...
I am me. I am Nina, the name my parents gave me and that is a fact, a "label" I carry proudly, but the rest? Well that's for you to discover isn't it? That's for you to find out, make your own opinions of me, but I ain't ever going to be just the one thing so that you can feel more at ease. I am not here to please you, make you feel safe in knowing where you have me. I am here for me. And me only! But that doesn't mean I won't share.
The reason why I am saying this, is because my aim in my last blog regarding the return of sexism, was to point out the harsh reality that women are still seen as sex objects in certain businesses (the sex industry mostly) and not seen for their hard work, intelligence and commitment. This is why I believe sex to be personal and to desensitize yourself with pornography to the point where you don't meet women in the real world, is frightening to me.
But I am not trying to change anything the world already is, because that would be in vain. All I can do, all we can do, those who have a conscious, is set the right example and show love and receive love and hope that love will work as a chain reaction to the point where everyone will love.
So to be clear, I am not a feminist, I am not a humanist, I am not straight, gay or bi, I am not a socialist, capitalist, right wing, left wing, in the middle, white, black, 20, 23, 165cm, five foot five, blond, black, brunette, red... I am not a label of any kind. You can't make me and I won't buy it. I am me. Wonderful Nina who will forever love and be in love with life, people and my art. I forever want to surround myself with people who live life similar to myself, who do not bitch and moan about other people, who's only care in the world is to love life and work their asses off to get what they want because they know they deserve the very best.
I do believe, the more people surround themselves with good people and share love, this could actually have a world-wide effect and people will treat each other the way they want to be treated. You are your best friend, love yourself and you'll love others and receive love in return. There's me dreaming that the worlds problems can be solved by love, but hey, it's a wonderful thought, and if I continue to believe in those people who share my love, I am sure only good things will come from it.
I am me. Nina. And that might be a label to you. But it's the only one.
I ain't much of a lady for labels. I don't care what's by what, who's who within this and so on. But people need them. People want to know where you're at. Which political party you're in, what your job title is, what your sexual orientation is...
I am me. I am Nina, the name my parents gave me and that is a fact, a "label" I carry proudly, but the rest? Well that's for you to discover isn't it? That's for you to find out, make your own opinions of me, but I ain't ever going to be just the one thing so that you can feel more at ease. I am not here to please you, make you feel safe in knowing where you have me. I am here for me. And me only! But that doesn't mean I won't share.
The reason why I am saying this, is because my aim in my last blog regarding the return of sexism, was to point out the harsh reality that women are still seen as sex objects in certain businesses (the sex industry mostly) and not seen for their hard work, intelligence and commitment. This is why I believe sex to be personal and to desensitize yourself with pornography to the point where you don't meet women in the real world, is frightening to me.
But I am not trying to change anything the world already is, because that would be in vain. All I can do, all we can do, those who have a conscious, is set the right example and show love and receive love and hope that love will work as a chain reaction to the point where everyone will love.
So to be clear, I am not a feminist, I am not a humanist, I am not straight, gay or bi, I am not a socialist, capitalist, right wing, left wing, in the middle, white, black, 20, 23, 165cm, five foot five, blond, black, brunette, red... I am not a label of any kind. You can't make me and I won't buy it. I am me. Wonderful Nina who will forever love and be in love with life, people and my art. I forever want to surround myself with people who live life similar to myself, who do not bitch and moan about other people, who's only care in the world is to love life and work their asses off to get what they want because they know they deserve the very best.
I do believe, the more people surround themselves with good people and share love, this could actually have a world-wide effect and people will treat each other the way they want to be treated. You are your best friend, love yourself and you'll love others and receive love in return. There's me dreaming that the worlds problems can be solved by love, but hey, it's a wonderful thought, and if I continue to believe in those people who share my love, I am sure only good things will come from it.
I am me. Nina. And that might be a label to you. But it's the only one.
Sunday, 29 August 2010
Sex Sells!
I have a lot going on in my head at the moment and that's mainly due to a book I'm reading that was given to me from one of my best friends. Although I haven't finished the book, I do feel I'm in dire need to express my thoughts on the subject at hand. If I act out angrily, I will NOT apologize, because when change needs to happen, it needs to happen NOW.
The book I am reading is called Living Dolls by Natasha Walter. And this book highlights the return of sexism in our Western culture. She focuses mainly on Great Britain however references/discusses other pieces written/explored from other Journalists in other Western countries.
I am not a feminist, as I believe in equality for both sexes, so call me a HUMANIST (as I am editing this piece my friend tells me that the term 'Humanist' was invented by the White European Male... makes me wonder if the term was invented as a subliminal ploy to distract the main objective of being a feminists - who are not all man haters and/or lesbians!). As a humanist, I believe that by trying to understand all sides of a story, this will help me make better opinions and clearer choices in my life.
I will highlight the main concerns of the book from the pages I've dipped in so far - Natasha believes that Great Britain is on the cusp of returning into a modern form of sexism. This is expressed through various interviews with Glamor models, prostitutes, strippers, editors from sex rags (such as NUTS and FHM) as well as club owners of various strip joints.
So far, I am livid. I cannot believe that we have allowed ourselves to turn into another cave-man driven society. We are all responsible for allowing this to happen. Starting off with our daughters of the future who are exposed at an early age to toys such as BRATZ (newer, more bizarre version of Barbie dolls). BRATZ's motto is to look sexy, look cool, go shopping and go party. This doll expresses a very limited outlook on what girls are to believe they are capable of. No wonder our little girls already have body dis-morphia by the time they turn 8 when their modern day celebrity figures already have had nose jobs, cheek fillers, chin sculpting, liposuction, botox by the time they're 20. And no wonder our little ladies get confused about coitus when already at the tender age of 11, boys in their schools are exposing them to degrading pornography because parents can't hide their Nuts magazines and/or keep them away from the internet, which inevitably results in girls thinking they have to take it up the ass, whilst sucking another guys dick, and boys wouldn't know any better anyway, because do we ever see a woman in porn say NO?!
Other interesting subjects rise when Natasha dips into the GLAMOUR modeling industry (which really is a fancy term for women to pose naked...) and that the TV/glamour modeling/film industry is now glamorizing stripping, prostitution (paid or not paid), lap-dancing and posing for the page 3 papers, giving the illusion that these women "chose" to take these jobs, that women are really the ones in power. Well if women really are in power, then why do most women feel shitty after giving a guy a lap-dance? Why do most men degrade women verbally and physically when selling their bodies for sex? If the sex industry was that respectable to women and so "empowering", why do most women come away feeling like they've lost part of their soul?
I am not judging anyone who goes into the sex industry. What I am trying to get at is that women shouldn't grow up believing they're only as good as their looks. Women shouldn't think it's prude if they're not into threesomes. Women should know and truly understand that they have other options to make money and have successful career. And I think once women realize this, and this education needs to start with young girls, then this feeling of "empowerment" will actually exist and for the right reasons.
In my opinion, the feeling of empowerment has nothing to do with sex, it's about confidence. And yea, THAT can be sexy.
I'm not even interested in arguing that the sex industry should be banned. We all know that sex sells and so it will be forever the oldest form of business. I just think that every woman should be aware of the fine lines between 'sex' and what really is sexy. It has become "fashionable" to glamorize prostitution like in Billy Pipers TV drama "Diary of a Call Girl", or that having emotionless sex is living life like a man as it's portrayed in "Sex & The City". Men and Women. We are different, we all know that, but we could all get along and respect one another's individuality, if only we stopped allowing ourselves to get influenced by the wrong media.
Sex is personal and I believe in mutual consent, in everything. And I think having sex with someone special, where you both come away feeling fabulous, not degraded or used, is how sex should be treated and respected. We all know that real life isn't about material, how many men or women you fucked, or the money. We know that real life is about understanding it, filling your "void" with something that only you can do for yourself and that these experiences are best shared with someone special...
You want to get noticed? Your personality should do that for you, your talent, your whit, your CONFIDENCE! Sexy is confidence. And confidence is sexy. Believe me, that's all I ever was seduced by in a man, confidence, not looks, not money, not anything. Just confidence. And I'm a very confident lady and if a man can't handle it, then he ain't worth it.
Returning to the book; please read it if you are interested in this subject. I think it is vital to be aware of this fast growing change in our modern society. I think parents should be incredibly careful what they expose their daughters and sons too. After all do you really want your six year old daughter running around in a jeans skirt with the words "Hot Stuff" printed on the back?
Are we really going to allow young impressionable women believe they are only going to succeed if they look pretty? I work in the music industry and I don't agree with most Pop/RnB music videos out there that objectify women as sex symbols. Are we really going to allow our young children to look up to celebrity figures such as the Pussycat Dolls (the name alone) or Sugababes or Girls Allowed who prance around half naked, singing about sex slaves and THESE are the people we should be looking up too?
I'm not happy until I see BRATZ or Barbie working as a sound engineer/artist.
I will always do my fucking best to set an example of what I believe to be a strong, confident, woman, a strong and confident HUMAN being. I think if women really really want to move forward it's down to the individual, set the right example, teach men that anal sex isn't an option anymore.
I think PRUDE is the new fucking trend. Show less flesh, have more confidence and always be passionate about your life. You work on those main three ingredients and the world will fall at your feet!
It's always worked for me!
The book I am reading is called Living Dolls by Natasha Walter. And this book highlights the return of sexism in our Western culture. She focuses mainly on Great Britain however references/discusses other pieces written/explored from other Journalists in other Western countries.
I am not a feminist, as I believe in equality for both sexes, so call me a HUMANIST (as I am editing this piece my friend tells me that the term 'Humanist' was invented by the White European Male... makes me wonder if the term was invented as a subliminal ploy to distract the main objective of being a feminists - who are not all man haters and/or lesbians!). As a humanist, I believe that by trying to understand all sides of a story, this will help me make better opinions and clearer choices in my life.
I will highlight the main concerns of the book from the pages I've dipped in so far - Natasha believes that Great Britain is on the cusp of returning into a modern form of sexism. This is expressed through various interviews with Glamor models, prostitutes, strippers, editors from sex rags (such as NUTS and FHM) as well as club owners of various strip joints.
So far, I am livid. I cannot believe that we have allowed ourselves to turn into another cave-man driven society. We are all responsible for allowing this to happen. Starting off with our daughters of the future who are exposed at an early age to toys such as BRATZ (newer, more bizarre version of Barbie dolls). BRATZ's motto is to look sexy, look cool, go shopping and go party. This doll expresses a very limited outlook on what girls are to believe they are capable of. No wonder our little girls already have body dis-morphia by the time they turn 8 when their modern day celebrity figures already have had nose jobs, cheek fillers, chin sculpting, liposuction, botox by the time they're 20. And no wonder our little ladies get confused about coitus when already at the tender age of 11, boys in their schools are exposing them to degrading pornography because parents can't hide their Nuts magazines and/or keep them away from the internet, which inevitably results in girls thinking they have to take it up the ass, whilst sucking another guys dick, and boys wouldn't know any better anyway, because do we ever see a woman in porn say NO?!
Other interesting subjects rise when Natasha dips into the GLAMOUR modeling industry (which really is a fancy term for women to pose naked...) and that the TV/glamour modeling/film industry is now glamorizing stripping, prostitution (paid or not paid), lap-dancing and posing for the page 3 papers, giving the illusion that these women "chose" to take these jobs, that women are really the ones in power. Well if women really are in power, then why do most women feel shitty after giving a guy a lap-dance? Why do most men degrade women verbally and physically when selling their bodies for sex? If the sex industry was that respectable to women and so "empowering", why do most women come away feeling like they've lost part of their soul?
I am not judging anyone who goes into the sex industry. What I am trying to get at is that women shouldn't grow up believing they're only as good as their looks. Women shouldn't think it's prude if they're not into threesomes. Women should know and truly understand that they have other options to make money and have successful career. And I think once women realize this, and this education needs to start with young girls, then this feeling of "empowerment" will actually exist and for the right reasons.
In my opinion, the feeling of empowerment has nothing to do with sex, it's about confidence. And yea, THAT can be sexy.
I'm not even interested in arguing that the sex industry should be banned. We all know that sex sells and so it will be forever the oldest form of business. I just think that every woman should be aware of the fine lines between 'sex' and what really is sexy. It has become "fashionable" to glamorize prostitution like in Billy Pipers TV drama "Diary of a Call Girl", or that having emotionless sex is living life like a man as it's portrayed in "Sex & The City". Men and Women. We are different, we all know that, but we could all get along and respect one another's individuality, if only we stopped allowing ourselves to get influenced by the wrong media.
Sex is personal and I believe in mutual consent, in everything. And I think having sex with someone special, where you both come away feeling fabulous, not degraded or used, is how sex should be treated and respected. We all know that real life isn't about material, how many men or women you fucked, or the money. We know that real life is about understanding it, filling your "void" with something that only you can do for yourself and that these experiences are best shared with someone special...
You want to get noticed? Your personality should do that for you, your talent, your whit, your CONFIDENCE! Sexy is confidence. And confidence is sexy. Believe me, that's all I ever was seduced by in a man, confidence, not looks, not money, not anything. Just confidence. And I'm a very confident lady and if a man can't handle it, then he ain't worth it.
Returning to the book; please read it if you are interested in this subject. I think it is vital to be aware of this fast growing change in our modern society. I think parents should be incredibly careful what they expose their daughters and sons too. After all do you really want your six year old daughter running around in a jeans skirt with the words "Hot Stuff" printed on the back?
Are we really going to allow young impressionable women believe they are only going to succeed if they look pretty? I work in the music industry and I don't agree with most Pop/RnB music videos out there that objectify women as sex symbols. Are we really going to allow our young children to look up to celebrity figures such as the Pussycat Dolls (the name alone) or Sugababes or Girls Allowed who prance around half naked, singing about sex slaves and THESE are the people we should be looking up too?
I'm not happy until I see BRATZ or Barbie working as a sound engineer/artist.
I will always do my fucking best to set an example of what I believe to be a strong, confident, woman, a strong and confident HUMAN being. I think if women really really want to move forward it's down to the individual, set the right example, teach men that anal sex isn't an option anymore.
I think PRUDE is the new fucking trend. Show less flesh, have more confidence and always be passionate about your life. You work on those main three ingredients and the world will fall at your feet!
It's always worked for me!
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Finding "Mr Right"!
Whatever I say now is all my opinion and that's where my fountain of knowledge comes from, experience. I am not here to "ruin" any ideal thoughts or fantasies or dreams. I am writing this because I think women of our time have this unhealthy thought that Mr Right is out there, waiting for you. I don't believe that, but I do believe there is Mr Right-Now and he's not "waiting" for you, he's there to challenge you. We are already born complete so try not to go looking for the other "half" of your soul. You can, however, find someone who is compatible with you. And if you're young like me, and you're still finding your way, discovering more and more about yourself, you'll be changing men more than you think, because unless the man you're with is developing exactly the way you are, it is inevitable that you will grow apart, or clash at some point, and you'll be faced with the inevitable thought - "Why can't things go back to the way they were?".
So, there is no Mr or Miss Right. There is only Mr or Miss Compatible. Why not? I think that's pretty fucking cool and even better. Why have someone who's so "right" for you anyway. Life's about imperfections and working things through, that's the excitement. If everything were perfect, we'd have no reason to live, why do you think the Atlantis crashed into the sea... I do think however, for someone to be compatible in whatever stage of your life, it is vital that you both bring the best out of each other. That you both learn and grow through being together.
Now, we all know that at some stage, I'm pretty sure we've all been there, when the dating turns into a relationship and you're maybe one or two years in, maybe more, and you're both pretty darn comfortable and you're dating nights have turned into stay-at-home-movie nights with extra cheesy pizza, you'll find yourself a little bit samey. This happens. It's normal. BUT and that's a big BUT, it's up to you and your partner to make sure you keep things "interesting". Spice thing's up, go out and do something crazy.
We are faced with these impossible romantic movies. I ain't cynical. I believe my life's like a glamourous movie and I'm the director and the star so hey, more glamour this way please. But when we watch Hollywood produce the same romantic love formula over and over again, just with different characters, did we ever ask, when the couple finally get together, what happens next???
Of course we don't see what comes after, that would totally spoil the climax of the film. Because we all know what will happen, they'll live it out for a few months, and then they'll realize, that relationships need work. Love is a motivation, but even this beautiful feeling needs fuel and lots of attention. Romance my dear, ain't always about showering each other with gifts and dinners, it's the little things, like him doing the dishes even if he cooked for you that night, or buying him a toothbrush because it's time he stopped using yours, or maybe it's about stealing his sweater cos you wanna remember his smell when he's away...
See? I ain't cynical. I'm just telling the truth. My truth, but you might agree with me, or maybe you're learning something new.
A friend of mine said, "Why even bother thinking about settling for 'one' person. Why put yourself under all that pressure?". True, it's a lot of pressure to think I gotta find someone who would be for life. I never slept around. Every man I did sleep with, I had a spiritual connection with and usually it turned into a relationship. I guess you could call me a serial relationship-er. But I also grew a lot from being with someone and I feel that my relationships are like chapters in my book. Every man in my life was a unique turn around.
And what if you're confused about him being Mr Right-Now? It shouldn't have to be confusing, it should be straight forward. If your mind and heart is questioning, there is a reason for it, it's telling you something you really need and aren't getting, don't be afraid to consider change. Change can be scary, but it should be good scary, it should be exciting. Too many times have I heard people think change was frightening as though it were something bad. It's not. It's healthy. It's what life should be. Why settle for something with a routine? Life is short if you live life this way. For every 9-5 person out there, when you get home, don't switch on the TV, cook a fucking gourmet meal, or get back to that painting you've always wanted to finish, join a dance class, don't crash in your sweats, wear your sexy heals and walk around the house naked. My point is, challenge yourself daily, even if it's just little things like wearing no underwear to work, or switching your desk around, because those little things are what will keep you looking young and fresh.
And a good man, someone who is good for you and I don't mean good for you because he buys you dinners and drinks, but good for you because he embraces you for exactly who you are, he opens your heart, you open his, you both share, you both challenge, you both bring out the best and you both feel free... That's someone to hold onto as long as you can, even when it gets rocky, those challenges are what defines your love and devotion. That is, if you believe in monogamy. If you don't, that's cool, enjoy the person you're with whilst you can and make sure they're helping you bring the best out of yourself and vice versa.
I'm a free spirit and as much as I believe in my freedom, my freedom should always come with obstacles that helps me grow.
So, there is no Mr or Miss Right. There is only Mr or Miss Compatible. Why not? I think that's pretty fucking cool and even better. Why have someone who's so "right" for you anyway. Life's about imperfections and working things through, that's the excitement. If everything were perfect, we'd have no reason to live, why do you think the Atlantis crashed into the sea... I do think however, for someone to be compatible in whatever stage of your life, it is vital that you both bring the best out of each other. That you both learn and grow through being together.
Now, we all know that at some stage, I'm pretty sure we've all been there, when the dating turns into a relationship and you're maybe one or two years in, maybe more, and you're both pretty darn comfortable and you're dating nights have turned into stay-at-home-movie nights with extra cheesy pizza, you'll find yourself a little bit samey. This happens. It's normal. BUT and that's a big BUT, it's up to you and your partner to make sure you keep things "interesting". Spice thing's up, go out and do something crazy.
We are faced with these impossible romantic movies. I ain't cynical. I believe my life's like a glamourous movie and I'm the director and the star so hey, more glamour this way please. But when we watch Hollywood produce the same romantic love formula over and over again, just with different characters, did we ever ask, when the couple finally get together, what happens next???
Of course we don't see what comes after, that would totally spoil the climax of the film. Because we all know what will happen, they'll live it out for a few months, and then they'll realize, that relationships need work. Love is a motivation, but even this beautiful feeling needs fuel and lots of attention. Romance my dear, ain't always about showering each other with gifts and dinners, it's the little things, like him doing the dishes even if he cooked for you that night, or buying him a toothbrush because it's time he stopped using yours, or maybe it's about stealing his sweater cos you wanna remember his smell when he's away...
See? I ain't cynical. I'm just telling the truth. My truth, but you might agree with me, or maybe you're learning something new.
A friend of mine said, "Why even bother thinking about settling for 'one' person. Why put yourself under all that pressure?". True, it's a lot of pressure to think I gotta find someone who would be for life. I never slept around. Every man I did sleep with, I had a spiritual connection with and usually it turned into a relationship. I guess you could call me a serial relationship-er. But I also grew a lot from being with someone and I feel that my relationships are like chapters in my book. Every man in my life was a unique turn around.
And what if you're confused about him being Mr Right-Now? It shouldn't have to be confusing, it should be straight forward. If your mind and heart is questioning, there is a reason for it, it's telling you something you really need and aren't getting, don't be afraid to consider change. Change can be scary, but it should be good scary, it should be exciting. Too many times have I heard people think change was frightening as though it were something bad. It's not. It's healthy. It's what life should be. Why settle for something with a routine? Life is short if you live life this way. For every 9-5 person out there, when you get home, don't switch on the TV, cook a fucking gourmet meal, or get back to that painting you've always wanted to finish, join a dance class, don't crash in your sweats, wear your sexy heals and walk around the house naked. My point is, challenge yourself daily, even if it's just little things like wearing no underwear to work, or switching your desk around, because those little things are what will keep you looking young and fresh.
And a good man, someone who is good for you and I don't mean good for you because he buys you dinners and drinks, but good for you because he embraces you for exactly who you are, he opens your heart, you open his, you both share, you both challenge, you both bring out the best and you both feel free... That's someone to hold onto as long as you can, even when it gets rocky, those challenges are what defines your love and devotion. That is, if you believe in monogamy. If you don't, that's cool, enjoy the person you're with whilst you can and make sure they're helping you bring the best out of yourself and vice versa.
I'm a free spirit and as much as I believe in my freedom, my freedom should always come with obstacles that helps me grow.
Sunday, 22 August 2010
Break-ups are hard
Below is a link I found on how to help get over a break-up. I'm so desperate to find a "cure" to help me through this painful stage in my life, that I had to google "how to deal with breakups". I found this site good and practical.
Sometimes you just have to make a choice in life. Even if you still love your ex-partner, you must come to terms with the fact that it's over and in time you will see that. And time is on your side. There are moments I do wish things were different, wanting them to go back to the way they were... but were those times always that good for me? After all, break-ups happen for a reason. Usually for the best. If it's meant to be, you'll probably find each other again in the future. But even so, it's not healthy to focus on something that could or could not happen. This is a time for you to focus on you. Find out what you want. Sharing your experiences is beautiful and will be missed very much with that special someone, but now is the time to share things with your most best and loyal friend - yourself.
http://www.enotalone.com/article/2445.html
Enjoy!
Sometimes you just have to make a choice in life. Even if you still love your ex-partner, you must come to terms with the fact that it's over and in time you will see that. And time is on your side. There are moments I do wish things were different, wanting them to go back to the way they were... but were those times always that good for me? After all, break-ups happen for a reason. Usually for the best. If it's meant to be, you'll probably find each other again in the future. But even so, it's not healthy to focus on something that could or could not happen. This is a time for you to focus on you. Find out what you want. Sharing your experiences is beautiful and will be missed very much with that special someone, but now is the time to share things with your most best and loyal friend - yourself.
http://www.enotalone.com/article/2445.html
Enjoy!
Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
It's been a tough few days. Everything I had tried to keep away from me, is now in full blast choking me. I can't get away from it anymore, I can't avoid it, the denial is subsiding, I have to face the truth. I had a dream last night. I dreamed I was in water, with some friends, we were sitting on surf boards, our feet in the water, this blue turquoise water, rich and thick and clear. I wasn't frightened because the water was clear. The world was suddenly made of water, mountainous waves caressed the ocean bed like it were a landscape of middle Africa. Ships of all sizes bobbed up and down, mysterious and dark in the distance, freedom was at our finger tips. Suddenly gray dolphins emerged, swam next to us and I reached out my hand to touch one of them. She felt soft, warm and rubbery. I woke up.
The dream was a beautiful escape from the way I've been feeling lately. Somehow it gave me hope. That everything might just about be alright.
You know diary, sometimes the pain's just so great, I can't bear it. Sometimes I think of bad things, because the pain makes me try not to care for myself. The other 'me' screams and screams and says I can do great, I can do better, but I think having this force of nature strap me the way it does, I can also do the opposite, destroy myself.
You know that I love you. I have no choice. It will never go away. You are my best friend.
I've decided to hold onto the good things. I let go of my anger. My memories are only of fond things. I forgive you. I forgive myself.
Now it's step by step letting go of this pain that drags me down to the ground. My world will always see the positive. I have never given up. I know what true love is. And even if I was blind, I was lucky to have felt it at all. Our connection is not from this world, and this is why we are special. And this is why I have always been certain. The hardest is not talking. The hardest is missing.
Good night dear diary. May you one day make sense of my words. Understand my choices. I am already a good person. I am already unique. I already make choices with eyes open and closed. I just need to fix a few things. And that's ok. At this point I am desperate to be happy.
It's been a tough few days. Everything I had tried to keep away from me, is now in full blast choking me. I can't get away from it anymore, I can't avoid it, the denial is subsiding, I have to face the truth. I had a dream last night. I dreamed I was in water, with some friends, we were sitting on surf boards, our feet in the water, this blue turquoise water, rich and thick and clear. I wasn't frightened because the water was clear. The world was suddenly made of water, mountainous waves caressed the ocean bed like it were a landscape of middle Africa. Ships of all sizes bobbed up and down, mysterious and dark in the distance, freedom was at our finger tips. Suddenly gray dolphins emerged, swam next to us and I reached out my hand to touch one of them. She felt soft, warm and rubbery. I woke up.
The dream was a beautiful escape from the way I've been feeling lately. Somehow it gave me hope. That everything might just about be alright.
You know diary, sometimes the pain's just so great, I can't bear it. Sometimes I think of bad things, because the pain makes me try not to care for myself. The other 'me' screams and screams and says I can do great, I can do better, but I think having this force of nature strap me the way it does, I can also do the opposite, destroy myself.
You know that I love you. I have no choice. It will never go away. You are my best friend.
I've decided to hold onto the good things. I let go of my anger. My memories are only of fond things. I forgive you. I forgive myself.
Now it's step by step letting go of this pain that drags me down to the ground. My world will always see the positive. I have never given up. I know what true love is. And even if I was blind, I was lucky to have felt it at all. Our connection is not from this world, and this is why we are special. And this is why I have always been certain. The hardest is not talking. The hardest is missing.
Good night dear diary. May you one day make sense of my words. Understand my choices. I am already a good person. I am already unique. I already make choices with eyes open and closed. I just need to fix a few things. And that's ok. At this point I am desperate to be happy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
